Addictive
by TheOlympus
Summary: My student, my littlest, youngest student.. the one who always smiled and acted so brave, even in dark times... was doing something horrible. Oh god. Pov Kakashi.
1. chapter 1

**Disclaim** **er: I'm not own all the member of Naruto. They're belong to Masashi Kishimoto.**

 **Warning: Bad words, drugs and etc.**

 **If you like it hit the like, if you hate it go to hell. lol Jk**

Aah, pay-day. The day we're payed not only for the missions we've accomplished this past week, but also for becoming shinobi who have sworn to be true to the country of Fire. And, more precisely, the village of the Leaf.

I half-listened when Sakura was explaining to the team that she was going to be holding a special surprise party for Tenten next week and how everybody was invited. I nodded with half-enthousiasm when she turned to me and said,

"Senseis are allowed to come too, Kakashi-sensei!"

And I half-smiled when Naruto wailed about Sakura's warnings, such as, "Make sure not to tell Tenten, Naruto," and, "I mean it, not a word," and, "Don't break anything". The last one didn't have anything remotely close to do with the subject, but it just sort of followed up after everything you told the blonde. It was true - he was a clutz.

Or so he let on.

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 _Of course now I know it was all just an act. Or it had something to do with the original source founded precisely for that act. Either way, originally, he wasn't clutsy at all. In truth, he couldn't give a damn what Sakura thought about him, or to which parties he was or wasn't invited. In fact, I'm pretty sure that at that moment, he truly wasn't thinking about how 'stupid that Sasuke-teme was for being invited and simply shrugging it off'. But could you really blame me for not seeing this in him at the time? And if you could; I'd love to see you do better._

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After Naruto had gotten his pay, he quickly excused himself and ran off. He'd told us he had an important meeting with a merchant; something we were used to hearing every day. There were people in the fire nation who traveled around the country selling exquisite (and illegal) weapons and poisons. These people came and went extremely quickly, so it was only natural that Naruto wanted to be on time for his 'appointment'. After all, if you're late and the guy's gone, he could be gone for a year or three. So I didn't think too much of it and let him go.

"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura turned to me, "there's a dress-code."

"Hah?"

"Men must wear black and white."

"Oh. Okay. Easy enough."

"Sasuke-kun, is that alright with you?"

Sasuke shrugged and sighed. "It doesn't matter if you don't go."

"Whaaaaat? You're not goooiiiiiing?"

I took this chance to leave.

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 _Wow. Am I ever glad I left then. If I hadn't... who knows what could have happened to him? Now that I think about it... if I hadn't left... he could've died. Which means that he could have died any other day as well._ _It's kind of funny, in a sick way, isn't it? How somebody's life is constantly on the line. You could be alive one moment and dead the next. I mean, sure, we're ninja, and we're taught to be able to deal with this lingering thought, but still... My student, my pupil... dead, like that, on a whim... I'm not sure what I'd make of that._

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The sky held up a dark pinkish loom as I made my way home. Giggling (like a man, damn it!), I turned the page in my orange-backed novel, melting right into the page. I knew the roads on Konoha like the back of my hand. Getting home didn't require the usage of my brain anymore; my body moved on its own.

"It's all I've got for now. But I can pay you the rest next week! I'm going on a long mission; I'm getting another 10000 yen (120 dollars) at the end of the week. I'll pay you back, I swear!"

"You'd better."

That voice... It sounded like a young, immature one. A kid, promising to pay something back after their next mission? And it sounded so frail and pleading. And quite familiar at that, too!

I turned to see who it was.

I swear I'm never going to make fun of the word 'kaboom' anymore.

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 _I really do remember that sound exploding in my head like a real bomb had gone off. It was a very weird feeling that went over me, then. Kind of like excitement, but the bad kind. The one that could only be defined as agonizing. It really scared the living daylights out of me. I remember the sudden chokehold that had wrapped around my neck, and knocked the air out of my lungs._ _Then I got curious._

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"Naruto?"

"Kakashi-sensei?!"

I ignored the stupid name-repetition and went straight for the gathering of my information. "What'cha got there?"

"Nothing. A gift for Tenten."

I could find nothing but certainty and seriousness on the blonde's face, but I knew he was hiding something. No, seriously, not just because he had his hands behind his back.

"Oh, great; I was wondering what you were getting so I wouldn't show up with something stupid. You know, the youth of today, I've got no idea what they like."

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 _See now, our Naruto would have fallen for that. Our Naruto would have nodded and said, "Oh, I see. Yeah, you old people! Look what I got her! Cool, isn't it?". But our Naruto was gone. Instead, before me stood a young man looking anything but his actual age, gazing at me with terrorizing little eyes, blazing a blue so intense I thought I would freeze right on the spot._

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"Then you'll have to wait 'till the party." His lips were straight and so was his face. I could tell I was not going to get him to show me willingly.

"You're making me curious, Naruto. Is it so special?"

"As a matter of fact, it's kind of private. So, I'll see you tomorrow then, sensei. Bye-bye, Tamaki-san. I'll see you next week."

The person, who looked like anything but somebody whose name would be 'Tamaki', nodded and disappeared through a slim side route. By the time I rolled my eyes back to where my charge had stood moments earlier, the boy was gone.

"He's hiding something. I'd better find out."

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 _Don't you think sometimes, looking back on the things you've done, that you were quite an idiot at that time? It's sad really; how much I've missed and how little I've seen. How attentive I should have been and wasn't. How foolish and thick-headed I was... How blind to the truth. It was almost like I wanted to be blind, that's how oblivious I was to it all. Stupid, I know._

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"Is that...?" I muttered to myself, gazing through my student's window disbelievingly. It couldn't be. Not with him, at least. It just didn't make any sense. "Nah... But it looks..."

Naruto took another slug of his 'Super Blue' happoshu liqueur and went through his drawers, searching for something. As he opened and closed cupboarts and went through locked cabinets, he revealed things I'd rather not have seen. Things I hadn't thought I would ever find in his house. Not HIS house. It was just completely wrong.

My student, my littlest, youngest student.. the one who always smiled and acted so brave, even in dark times... was doing drugs.

"No... Not you, Naruto..." I whispered to myself. His eyes locked onto the window and I ducked, but I knew he sensed somebody's presence. Sure, he probably didn't see me, but he'd come looking for the person outside his house in a moment. I'd better pretend I have something to tell him.

I jumped up onto the balcony again and knocked on his window. I was shocked to find all his cabinet doors locked once more, and all evidence of alcohol or drugs stashed away discreetly. I couldn't even find a single trace or scent of alcohol, even if the smell of beer was extremely strong.

"Naruto, you home?"

He didn't answer.

"I'm coming in."

Still no reply. So I slid the window open and entered the kitchen/living room. I looked around, only to find a rather clean appartment, except for the dust bunnies in a couple of corners. It made sense, though, that a kid like him had never been taught to clean his room. He probably just kept it tidy because it was convenient and he was out more than in.

"Naruto?" I called his name another time, giving him one more chance to show his face before I went through his cupboarts.

And still, he didn't answer. So I sighed and pretended to be looking for him, even though it was pretty clear he was hiding away in his room or something.

"Hmm... Maybe he went to the store..." I said to myself, making sure just loud enough for him to hear it. "Probably ran out of supplies..." I opened one of the cupboarts, eager to find any of the items he'd been holding earlier, but was overwhelmed by a wave of disappointment when all I could see was three plain cups of instant-ramen.

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 _Well, technically, I should have been overwhelmed by a wave of pride and praise, but I shouldn't really be happy that my student had mastered a certain control over illusionary techniques just to hide things like drugs. I really wanted to smack some sense into the boy's head, but what could I do, in the end? It's not like he ever was young enough to lecture, after all. He was old enough to take care of himself all his life - or at least, he had to be. If he hadn't been, he would've wound up even worse than he was now. But what am I saying? Sinking lower than that at the age of twelve... it's sad. Really, very sad. Depressing, even._

 _I mean, it's not because I lost my parents and managed to stay a certain sense of sane, that he had as well. I couldn't really blame him for it; after all, he wasn't just an orphan. No, they have it much better than him. Not only was he alone, but he was also hated and shunned by everybody he met. Sure, not by team 7, but had we ever really done anything for him, either? Had we ever praised him or told him we were happy he was around?_

 _It sounds stupid, doesn't it? Telling somebody you're happy they're alive. But he really needed it. Cos nobody, and I repeat, nobody has ever shown him they're happy he lives and breathes and talks. They never said the simple words, like "Well, at least nobody got hurt", or "I'm just happy you got home safe and sound". He never even got an "I'm happy you're home" or "I'm happy you're here"._

 _And one sentence every child craves for, aware of it or not, he most definitely has never, ever, heard in his entire life. Or no, he probably has heard it, which made it so much worse, knowing it had never been said to him._

 _I'm absolutely certain nobody has ever told him they love him._

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I sighed and undid the genjutsu, revealing several clumsily rolled joints, a couple of little zip-locked bags of weed, cocaïne, little 'medicinal' tubs of pills, some seringes, hasj, and a white powder which had spilled over the entirety of the cabinet. Almost like he had been trembling and sprinkled (chucked) it all over the place.

"Oh Naruto..." I muttered, moving to investigate his fridge. When I opened it, I was pleasantly surprised to find that he had been working on eating more fruit, but when I sniffed the watermelon, I realized he'd poured alcohol into the hole he'd cut in the middle. What a way of making yourself a late-night snack...

There was a load of beer, cheap wine, whisky, sake and more alcoholic beverages. I couldn't help smiling when I saw little cups of jello, but it hit me a minute later that these weren't your ordinary cups of jello.

"And even jello shots. What is this kid? The main supplier for parties?"

"Sensei. Get out."

"Naruto-kun," I greeted, trying my best to sound polite and happily surprised. "I was just here to ask you who that Tamaki person was, but I guess that mystery is solved."

"Get out."

"What's the matter? You an aggressive drunk or something?" Yes, I was pushing the boy's buttons. It was to be expected, though. I mean, it wasn't like I was just going to let this slide.

"Get out - RIGHT NOW," he snarled, actually sounding like an animal. The Kyuubi had long-since awakened and stirred inside of his young body, tinting the colour of his hair just that shade darker and his eyes crimson red.

"I see. Alcohol awakens the Kyuubi. Pretty logic; your chakra is stirred and you aren't clear in the head."

"Well well, look who suddenly knows all about jinchuuriki. Tell me, do you also know that I can kill you on a whim?"

He was far too cocky. So unlike himself. He was, indeed, not a happy drunk.

"Watch your words, Naruto. I'm a jounin shinobi. You're still a Genin."

"And guess why they say 'student surpasses master'." He gave me a moment to think before sliding out his claws and slashing his "paw" at me. "Now get out! You have no business here!"

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 _I really hadn't seen that coming. I can even remember a late night we returned from a long mission and I took the team out for a drink to celebrate the long-awaited completion of the month-long mission. I had ordered a small bottle of sake for myself. Sasuke went with a water, Sakura copied him, but asked for a lemon wedge in hers, and Naruto, who was still young and more of a sweet-tooth, ordered a cherry coke. When I was about to take a sip of my drink, I can still recall upon Naruto looking at me with a skeptical look before stating, "You know sensei, ninja shouldn't drink that stuff. It dulls the senses. What if somebody attacks you on your way home? You could seriously harm the innocent. Let alone yourself. You're killing braincells."_

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"You know what you're doing isn't healthy, right?" I asked, calm and impassive.

"O'course I know that! I ain't no idiot! And even if I hadn't known, I would still keep doin' what I'm doin'! So get out of here already!"

I sighed. "You know that isn't happening. Not until I get the facts. So tell me; why are you doing this shit? You of all people should know it's crap."

He smirked maliciously, before bursting out into all-out laughter. It thundered from his throat as though he were a monster as he replied, "Would crap make you feel this good?!"

When I didn't answer, he kept going, "Huh?! Does it?! No, it doesn't! Because crap is people like you, who butt into somebody else's life and try to control it! What, are you pretending like you care?! Well I'll tell you what, Copernicus, nobody cares and neither do you, so quit feeling sorry for yourself and get out of my house!!"

I put a hand on his head and commanded sweetly, in that much-too-fake happiness tone of mine, "Calm down."

There was a split-second in which his eyes twinkled with a certain sense of confusion and awe, until they turned angry and agressive once more. "GET OUT!!" he screamed, grabbing my wrist and forcing my hand off his head. The impressive powers of Kyuubi provided him with enough strength to slam me against the wall beside his window.

I pushed him off by his shoulders and kept my hands there, maintaining my firm grip on his immature shape. It was yet another sign of his youth. He was just a child. Certainly, indeed, we honored ninja trained them to become emotionless machines, thanks to which they were declared 'adults' by the time they reached the level of 'Chuunin', which would technically make Naruto about 17 or 18 years old, since he is a Genin. But what was to become of him if he could do nothing but bow to his overpowering desires?

"You really need to learn to be still and listen once in a while."

I was sure he'd lost it now. If I didn't knock him out or something soon, he would start tearing down his own house. Unaware of it, of course. Kyuubi didn't pay attention to its surroundings and went straight for its objective. It didn't care if it tore down his host's house in the process.

So before he went crazy, I disappeared and reappeared behind him, knocking him out. He put up quite a fight with consciousness before sagging through his knees eventually and falling forwards. I caught him quickly and placed him on his couch.

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 _I shouldn't have gone in there in the first place. At least, I love thinking that that had been the right answer. If it had been, I wouldn't have felt obliged to stay and help him out. But it was the wrong answer. And I knew it. I couldn't just leave him there; he needed me. Well, I like thinking that he needed me. And I love thinking that I meant enough to him that he'd listen from the first shot. Have you noticed yet that I enjoy thinking a lot of things? That's because thinking is better than believing. If I honestly believed I shouldn't have gone in, or that he seriously wanted me around, I'd be crazy. Like seriously screwed up inside. I mean it; it'd be nuts. I mean; come on, Naruto, the little wonder who could, who refuses help from everybody and has lived on his own for as long as he can remember, need me? Nah. Never._

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He made a move to sit up and I teleported myself to his side immediately. "Easy. Easy, nice and slow."

He pushed me away and glared at me. "Don't tell me to take it easy after knocking me out," he said.

"Fair enough. Got a migraine? Or just a headache? Here." I handed him a glass of water and an aspirin.

He stood up, walked over to one of his cabinets, grabbed three aspirin and swallowed them with a can of beer.

"Not exactly what I was going for, but alright."

"Sensei, I know what you're gonna' say, and I don't need to hear it. You don't need to get all into my life all of a sudden. I can handle myself. I have for twelve years. So please, just leave me be."

I didn't know what came over me. I was angry and sat at the same time. I was confused and disappointed but overjoyed all in the same moment. It was sad that a jounin such as myself, an ex-anbu, a feared flee-on-sight ninja, like me, wasn't able to bottle up all of these emotions at the same time, which lead to me having to do something I never thought I'd do.

I squeezed him into a tight hug just like in those fandoms or those manga where the weird chuckly fanboy is too stupid to express his emotions in a normal way. He got lifted all the way off the ground and I shook his lythe frame hyperactively, as though that would help me mix up and throw away all those 'wrong ideas' stuck in his head.

"Mou, you're such a little baka sometimes, Naruto," I scolded him, dropping him on his couch before walking over to his fridge and pulling out a beer. I clicked it open and strode back to his side and poured it onto his head.

"That's for lying to us all those years."

He ducked and scooted away from the spilled beverage, going through his hair with his hands, trying to wringe out the brown substance. "Hey! That's worth more than all your lectures combined, you know! Put it down!"

"It's junk. I'm gonna help you kick off; it's a promise!"

"You... What is wrong with you?"

The theme of happiness that appeared to have been playing all around us ceased instantly and I shut my eyes. It was true; there had to have been something extremely wrong with me for me to think and speak this way.

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 _Come on, say it! Say; "I just don't want you to have to go through this any more, Naruto. I know about your pain. I know it's not easy. But you're not alone."_ _I guess as much as I wish I could go back in time and change it all; force the words out of my mouth, it won't ever really happen. Or, it didn't happen. And no matter how much I pray that one day I could undo it all, praying is good for nothing, in the end. It's too late now._

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"You have to quit. Go to a rehab center for all I care. But I can tell you this; if you don't quit, then don't bother coming to training tomorrow."

There was silence for about two minutes and I just simply gazed at his vacant eyes, which were turned to the window. Then, he pushed his long bangs back in a nonchallant fashion and let his eyes drop from the ceiling to my face and locked my charcoal orb with his electric blue ones and said, "Screw you," and that was that.

 **So how is it? Do you like it or nah? I've kept this story for a long time, but I'm too afraid to publish it until now.. Already have 3 chapter on my microsoft words, so if you like it I'd love to post another chapter.**

 **Like always give me your comments, criticisms or suggestions. And I will reply in the next chapter. Thank you.** **Ja ne!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I'm not own all the member of Naruto. They're belong to Masashi Kishimoto.**

 **Magicvibes: 2 chapter for you, hope you like it.**

 **Warning: Bad words, drugs and etc.**

 **If you like it hit the like, if you hate it go to hell. lol Jk**

 **Note: Since I already have 2 chapter just like I say before, I will make the next chapter in 2 weeks not 1 weeks like my other fanfic I made.**

He was shivering. His face was pale and beads of sweat were forming on his forehead. He squeezed his right hand between his knees and used his left to push back his long bangs. He kept fidgeting and shuddering and scooting from left to right in his seat but no matter which position he placed himself in, he kept either wiping his brow or scratching his cheek or flattening his hair or whatever it was that he was trying to do with the blonde locks.

I sighed and leaned my handpalms on the windowsill. I watched his nearly schizophrenic antics with a certain curiosity. We'd been at this for only a few hours and yet he already seemed like he was about ready to dive into a pool of alcohol or something. I wished I could give him something. Anything. If he couldn't have his drugs, I wanted to give him his alcohol. But I knew I couldn't.

So I switched positions and crossed my arms. Huffing, I walked over to him and sat down beside him. Without really thinking about it, I put my hand on his shoulder, only to have him look up in shock. Did he even know I was here? Did he know where he was? At all?

"J-just give me the pills. T-that's all I want!"

I shook my head. After having stored all of his drugs away (including the stuff I found underneath the carpets, and the floorboards, and in his shoes, and in his jackets, and in the flower pot ontop of his highest cupboard), I was persistent upon not giving him any of it. "You can't, Naruto."

He gave me a foul look of disgust before chewing the tip of his thumb hyperactively. He had deep rings underneath his eyes, which were no longer that sparkling shade of blue I had always had a liking toward. I never really admitted it, for one because it was stupid and it attracted a lot of attention which a guy like me can definitely go without, but I was kind of jealous of that spectacular mixed color between electric blue and emerald green. I'd decided it wouldn't look nice on me, anyway, and that they looked better on him. Besides, now that I realize the sparkle they once owned was just because of drugs and alcohol, they suddenly seem much less impressive.

His fidgeting never ceased. In fact, he only trembled harder and faster and appeared to have lost all control over himself. "A-all I need is one-- one pill. Just one!"

He was seriously shaking now and I let my instincts take over. I wrapped an arm around him and pulled him against me. I felt his body relax and the shaking retracted to trembling which stilled after about ten minutes. I checked on the weight that lay on my shoulder and saw that his eyes were shut. The eyelids were red and there were clear veins underneath them, but at least he seemed a little more at ease than before.

"No."

I looked down at the little blonde.

"Don't."

"Don't what?" I half-whispered, half-murmured.

"No. No. Go away."

"What's wrong?"

"GO AWAY! DON'T HURT ME!"

"I won't hurt you, Naruto! What's wrong?! What's going on?!"

The loudness of my voice must have startled him or something because he suddenly looked up and straight at me.

"Sorry," he apologized, "I must've dozed off."

He was sleeping? How could he fall asleep so quickly? It surely didn't have anything to do with him refraining from taking anything; we've only been at this for three -no, make that four- hours. I mean; I know it must be annoying that his body was shaking the whole time, but could it have tired him out so quickly? Was he sleepy because I managed to get his body to sit still or something? I really don't get this kid. This just proves that fact.

"Kyuubi likes warmth," he explained, almost as though he could read right through me. Wait- could he?

He looked down, like he was ashamed or embarassed of something. It was then that I realized with warmth, he meant me. They say that when jinchuuriki sleep, their bijuu take over. But then what did he do on all our missions? I never really payed any attention to him. I figured he'd found a way to solve it; I mean, he was so hyperactive in the morning. I figured he was just happy to be awake, back then. Now I understand though, that there are a million artificial ways to create happiness.

But anyway, I'm straying from the matter. Did he mean that the Kyuubi calms down whenever it finds a source of warmth or something? That does make sense... I remember learning something about foxes and their nests. They make sure their body heat is always high enough for them not to die in cold temperatures whenever they sleep. Click-clack, done is the puzzle.

"So you had a nightmare?" I made sure not to sound interested or concerned. Just like I was gathering information making use of the strict rules of a Konoha shinobi.

"I guess you could say that," he replied, standing up with a shrug. He went over to the kitchen and filled a glass with tap water. He slid open the window.

And I had been stupid enough to believe he was getting some fresh air.

While I turned away for just a second, I saw him out of the corner of my eye, picking a little pill out of the crook in the window, before laying it on the back of his tongue and swallowing it with a gulp of water. And all of that in less than two seconds.

In a flash, I was behind him, wrapping my arms around his middle and pressing on his stomach as hard as I could.

"Oh no you don't," I grunted.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"Getting you to spit it out."

"You mean vomi-" he made an exhasperated sound before swallowing hard and I realized he was too out of breath to keep this up anyway.

I gave it one more go and oh yes, like the popping sound of bubble gum, it flew back out again -- straight out the window. Well, at least that was one less trouble to get rid of.

I let go of him and he dropped back onto the ground. He coughed for a few seconds, catching his breath, trying to get out the word, "psycho", but failing every time he tried.

"Me? Psycho? And what about you, hiding a pill in the creek of your window?"

"Smart, ai- cough- ain't it?"

"No. What would be smart, is telling me where you hide the rest."

"I have nothing else."

"Oh please, do you really expect me to believe that? If you really didn't have any more, you wouldn't have swallowed that one now. You would've saved it for later; when you'd really need it."

He sighed. "The bread."

"The bread?"

"The bread."

"What's with the bread?"

"It's in the bread."

"What is?"

"What do you think?"

"You put pills in the bread?"

He seemed about ready to smack himself.

"Yeah," he said, rolling his eyes, "I put pills in the bread with my magic fingers."

"Okay mister sarcasm, then what's in the bread?"

"I bake my own bread. You figure out the rest."

I sighed and tossed the bread out the window.

-R-

It was late at night when I was reading a book while Naruto attempted to sleep on the couch. I sat in the recliner, if only because I knew I had to keep an eye on him. He kept rolling around, trying to find different positions to lay in, pulling his two blankets up high over his face. After about the fiftieth time of him turning around, I sighed and ticked his arm. He looked up instantly.

"Scoot," I demanded, and he shuffled over to the side. I sat down and continued reading my book. He leaned back in the sofa and rested his back against the backrest. I couldn't imagine him feeling comfortable that way at all, but I understood that he didn't want to get too close to me; no matter how serious I was about getting him to fall asleep -- after all, if he slept, it meant another couple of hours would have passed, which would mean he was on the path of rehab much quicker. It made sense in the end. All my ideas did.

He pinched his eyes shut and forced himself to get sleepy by making himself yawn dramatically and lulling his brain into the sense of drowsiness. It didn't help in the end, and I could see him out of the corner of my eye, pulling both blankets up high to his face again.

Absentmindedly, I wondered why he never thought of buying more blankets if he knew he got cold so quickly, but didn't let the thought bother me too long, for I had already casually slung an arm around his shoulder and let him lean against my side. It was true-- his skin was ice-cold.

"Does the Kyuubi consume your body heat to provide itself with energy or something?"

After a few seconds of not getting a reply, I looked down, only to find him already sound-asleep. Was it that hard for him to fall asleep in general that the first chance he got at feeling a little bit lightheaded he forced himself into a state of unconsciousness? If so, how long has it been since he slept a full night? HAS he ever slept a full night? And how could he keep up with his daily training regime with those half-assed five minute naps he takes every so often?

And then it struck me - there was a reason why he was in a better mood in the summer than in the winter. There was a reason why he always got pissed whenever it rained. Cos you've got moody people in the world, sure. And loads of people get happy when the sun shines. But the dramatic changes in his mood whenever the weather takes an odd turn, is just too odd to overlook.

Kyuubi must detest the cold. Which is why it pulls on every ounce of Naruto's body heat. Which is why his body wears out and why he's in a poor mental state whenever Winter comes around. I turned to look at him and noticed the deep rings underneath his shut eyes immediately. If I weren't a guy, I'd think something like "poor thing". Technically, I could, cos it's a sad fact, but.. let's just say, that his orioke no jutsu, doesn't look very different from the real thing. But I'd never mention that to him; it was another sad fact that he realized certain characterestics about himself which he tried deeply to hide or simply get rid of.

And it was a whole other sad fact that I sort of hoped he never would. Cos it was definitely true that he had some of his father's clear appearance-details, such as the eyes and the hair and the skintone, but he would never be granted his mother's personality, cos she wasn't there to show him what she was like. And it was a definite pity. So I sort of hoped he would never try to conseal those tiny, minuscule female details about himself. They really were little things. Like the thick darkness of his eyelashes, or the rich creamy tan on his face. His eyes were very big for a guy's eyes, and they sparkled a little brighter than even Sakura's, though some said those were his hopes and dreams.

And therefore, when I looked at him, all I really saw were tiny details about his parents I'd missed before he was born.

"You couldnt hurt me if you tried."

The sudden sentence scared the living daylights out of me and it took a while for me to realize he was dreaming.

"Fuck off."

Subconsciously, and I mean seriously subconsciously, I only realized afterward what I was doing, but my hand started gently patting his head in a slow motion, trying to either lull him back to sleep, or wake him up. I don't know what it was doing. Don't ask.

Seconds later, I heard a content huff, like from a dog, and his rhythmic breathing returned. I smiled softly and leaned my head on my fist, shutting my eyes and trying to get some sleep as well.

-R-

I woke up a few hours later, It took me a while to get my mind to think straight, and by the time it did, all I could hear were cluttering noises and other sounds coming from behind me - in the kitchen area.

I turned around slowly, yawning a little as I did so. Naruto was rummaging through his drawers abnoxiously, hysterically yanking out the poor wooden furnishings agressively. It took my sleepy mind some more time to realize what he was doing, and by the time he'd pulled the back of the cupboart out (which apparently was fake), he pulled out a couple of loose bricks from the wall and a seringe as well. I saw him mix some powder with water quickly and pump it into the seringe.

He pulled his sleeve up and looked for a vein before moving his hand in a sliding motion to break the skin. Before he could really notice, I had his wrist caught in a menacing grip, forcing him to let go of the seringe. He glared at me with blood-shot eyes and I could see him thinking "Let go of my hand -- RIGHT NOW", but honestly I couldn't care less how bad he felt at the moment. It was his own fault for getting into this mess in the first place... wasn't it?

"Just once," he pleaded. His voice was husky and his eyes were such a lost shade of blue. The spirited child I'd once known had broken.

"You can't," I sternly replied, shaking my head lightly. I captured his attention with my eyes (or should I say eye cos my other one's covered? It sounds weird, though..) and said, "You've got to pull through now. Give it another week or so. You'll get there, I promise." I used the words I'd used on him plenty of times before whenever he couldn't master a certain jutsu. Back then it brought him back into high spirits, though I'm not sure now if it was because he quickly snuck himself some drugs, or because my words really struck him. Either way, I guess in the end it didn't really matter, cos he nodded and got up slowly, shaking.

I nodded back and got up as well. "You look hungry."

He shook his head. "My love for ramen was partly the munchies. Aside from that, I normally have a beer or something."

I sighed. "I'll fix you something, and I'll even teach you how to make it, if you vow not to try anything like just now for the remainder of the day, yeah?"

"Alright." He simply shrugged.

"Good." I eye-smiled and disappeared for just a second, poofing back into my own home. "I hope I won't find him trying any more crap when I get back," I muttered, opening one of the cabinets in my kitchen. I pulled out the carton box I needed and poofed back into my student's appartment.

I was sort of surprised to find him sitting on the couch, waiting patiently for me to return. I smiled again and shook the box, stating, "Oat meal," cleverly.

"Hmm... Oat meal, oat meal..." he tapped his chin with his finger, eyes raised to the ceiling, deep in thought. "Isn't that served hot?"

I nodded vigorously. "You didn't know that?" I asked, completely bewildered.

He shrugged again. "Things that are served hot usually take too long to prepare. By the time I'm finished making it, I'll have to leave for my other job. So nevermind."

"Your other job?" I repeated, opening the box and moving toward his kitchen area. I pulled a bowl out of one of the cupboarts and poured the oat-flakes slowly, dragging out the action so I could catch his reply.

"Yeah," he answered, as though it were no big deal at all, "how else do you think I pay for rent? And repairs? And my stuff?"

"I see.." I poured in some milk (I was sort of surprised he had any) and heated it in the old-looking microwave.

"So why'd you stay?"

"Hah?"

"Why'd you choose to stay and help me out? You could've just gone. I'm sure Sasuke would've been happy. Which would make Sakura happy. Team 7 would've been fine without me."

"Oh, I know it would have. It's just not the same without our knucklehead ninja, is it?"

I heard the peeping sound of the microwave and pulled the bowl out, slid in a spoon, and handed it to him. He eyed it suspiciously for a few seconds, before raising his confused gaze to me.

"That's all there is to it?"

"Yup."

He seemed somewhat relieved. I couldn't understand why he would get relieved over something so simple. After all, it was just a quick meal. What else did he expect, that I would take my sweet time in explaining to him how to make a healthy dish for yourself? Why would I do that? I'm not his brother or something.

Or was that what he was afraid of? Bonding with someone?

By the time I was done thinking this, he was already half-way and smiling. Granted, it was a tiny smile, but it was a smile nonetheless.

"Good?" I asked.

"It's filling!" he replied enthousiastically.

I rewarded him with one of my let's-just-forget-about-your-stupidity-for-now-smiles and sat down on the other couch. "So what do you do, aside from being a shinobi?"

"Oh, the usual. Cleaning dishes, serving drinks, acting as somebody I'm not.."

"Somebody you're not?"

"Oh, you know. Like say, somebody needed to pretend they have a son for a day. They pay me to be that son. Or if people need to pretend like they're being attacked by a foreign ninja."

"And they really PAY you for that?"

"You'd be surprised by how many oddballs there are in Konoha, sensei!" He smiled his usual Naruto-smile and I was somewhat happy to see it. Slowly, he was turning back into the kid we all saw, but never really did. You know, like the orange glow behind a beautiful sunset. If the sky were dull and grey, nobody would like the look of the scene anymore. But all we really focus on is the sun. I guess we all kind of took him and his personality for granted. We never really saw him for who he really was.

But I guess I shouldn't be one to judge, should I?

 **Like always. Give me your comments, criticisms or suggestions. Don't worry I will reply in the next chapter. Thank you.**

 **Ja ne!**


	3. Chapter 3

Finally, the seventh day of recovery. A whole week has passed since I found Naruto taking shit a boy his age shouldn't be taking (nobody should be taking that shit in the first place) and I must say, that week has been more tiring than anything else has ever been in my entire life. Even the babysitting missions wear you out less.

I must say, for a kid who usually tries his best to make everything easier for you (I never said he succeeded, I said he tried), he sure as hell can make things hard on himself. I mean, what would lead him to even start all this crap in the first place? I've been meaning to ask him all week. But how to you pose a question like that, anyway? And how do you do it without sounding like you care? That's just impossible.

Now why would I want to sound like I don't care, you wish to know? Well isn't it obvious? The kid's, what, twelve? Maybe thirteen, dunno'. Point is; if I cared, that would mean I bonded with him. And if we bonded, it means I would be responsible of him. Or that his happiness would lead to mine and whatnot. So what would happen when he's sad? Or what if he dies? See my point? I don't need to deal with that. Not anymore.

It might sound selfish to you. But you don't know how many comrades I've lost in the past. Now, I've taken to teaching children how to become emotionless ninja who do nothing but kill and therefore cause others the same pain that people have caused me. Why do I do it? I don't know.

But he's different. He really believes he can change things -- change people. And I wonder how on earth a kid like him, who has taken on so many bad things in life, who has taken the blow for so many matters he truly has nothing to do with, could get the idea of an optimist, to change the world? Now that impresses me.

But then why would he take the drugs? Why would he drink? And is that crap the cause of his happy dreams for the future, or merely the consequences of his sorrow? Is he an optimist, or are his goals and ambitions all lies? I truly wouldn't know.

Which is why I believe there's more to it than just 'a few bad days'. There must be more to the reason that started all this, than some heated glares from the villagers. There has got to be more. Not just because I feel like if that were the only reason, there should be so much more children his age doing drugs. Not that (almost) every villager hating you isn't an obstacle to overcome, but solely that shouldn't be the reason. This is Naruto. He's so superficial on the outside, yet so complicated on the inside. He's a bundle of nerves held together solely by energy. One spark can alight a whole fire-cracker system inside of his body. He's awfully hard to describe and to understand, and yet perhaps that is exactly what makes me so interested in him.

No; wait, I'm not interested. I'm just... fulfilling my duty as a sensei. If my student cannot come to practice or is in no state to go on missions, I'll have to kick him out of the team. And finding a new member would be such a drag. That's why I'm doing this; for the team.

I heard the bathroom-door open and saw him walk out in his usual attire; orange sweatpants and a black tee. His jacket was missing this time, though. And what its abscence revealed was something I honestly didn't want to see. Not in a million years. Not him. How many times have I thought that this week already? It's so true, though. He's put up such a great show. He's worn such a great mask. Emotionally and fysically, he's so different with the team. And this.. this was just over-the-top.

"You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost or something," the Genin noted, drying his hair with a fluffy white towel. He reached behind his head and went through the blonde locks swiftly and sloppily, not really bothering to make sure they were completely dry. As long as he didn't leave behind a wet trail from the bathroom, it was fine.

But by doing so, he revealed a scarred-up left arm and a burned right one. It wouldn't surprise me if there were still remnants from some of the beatings the villagers would occasionally give him, but he certainly didn't seem like the kind of person to commit to self-harm, so this... This was unexpected.

"What's up with your arms?"

He looked down at them quickly and ducked his head before quickly retreating to his room. Ten seconds later, he walked back out with his jacket on and acted as though I hadn't asked a thing.

"You know, since it's been like a week since my last drink, how 'bout we celebrate with a beer?"

"Would you answer my question?"

"Or we could open up a bottle of sake, instead. I'm not really in the mood for beer."

"Naruto."

"We could even have that weird American stuff. Some kind of odd American liquor. Where'd you say you stashed my stuff, again?"

"Answer-the-question."

He sighed and looked at the ground. "Look," he started, "there are several ways to keep your mind off drugs when you're all out. You can either drink, or try to run some laps around the village, or even try to start a fight with somebody just to keep the agitation at bay. But the most convenient way, besides drinking, has always been the hurtful way."

"So you cut to keep your mind off drugs?"

"NO! I'm not a cutter. I'm not emo. I just... try to reach a point of physical pain that will make me concentrate on solely that."

"Sounds like the same thing to me."

"Okay, listen here then; you are not my psychiatrist. I agreed to try and kick off of drugs and alcohol. All the other things are personal."

"No no, I consider them linked."

He cocked his head to the side and gave me a confused expression, so I explained.

"Obviously, there's a reason why you drink and do drugs."

"And you think it has something to do with the reason why I do this?"

"Yes."

"Well that's stupid and unpractical cos I just told you I only hurt myself when I want to think about something else."

"What don't you want to think about?"

"Drugs and alcohol, I just told you."

"I believe there's something else you don't want to think about. Actually, I think that hurting yourself is just another way to keep your mind off that particular thing, not a way to control yourself when you run out of your "stuff"."

"Well that's stupid cos my life is as normal as it could be."

"Perhaps you're looking for some action, then. Is your life too boring? Too easy? Poor you; you've got normal friends and a normal shinobi job. You earn a living and you've got a house, I feel so sorry for you." I knew this would provoke him. Naruto was, to be honest, much too easy to frustrate. He has quite the temper and if you simply muddy up his mind a little, he can't deal with the confusion or the frustration and he starts to work it out on somebody.

He's easy enough to get information from if you simply push his buttons the right way. Unfortunately for him, I've spent enough months as his sensei to be able to tell which buttons to press to get him to spill.

"Oh you think you know all about me, huh?" he growled, "You're wrong, though." His voice sounded bitter and his ears were already red. "I've had to put up a fake smile for years before they would consider becoming my friends! Their parents, whom I didn't know, hadn't seen in my entire life, told them all kinds of horrible things about me to keep them from being around me. Do you have any idea how many teachers in the academy flunked me just in order to keep me from being a shinobi? I've passed countless exams with results that flew by the standard marks, and yet they still failed me! Life has never been easy for me!"

Sure, I felt sorry for him in a way, but I already knew this. I needed other information.

"So every time you're with team 7, you don't even consider us your friends?"

"I do! ..I'm just not so sure whether team 7 thinks the same way about me. And even then, it's not the same as what everyone else has."

"I can assure you everyone else has a team as well. Or do you think you deserve better?"

"Better?" he repeated, angry and amazed. "Do you honestly think that I'm spoiled?! Cos I didn't mean it that way at all!"

"And neither did I."

"So what did you mean?" he spat.

"Do you think your life could have turned out better if you'd had a different team?"

"No. It would've been just as bad."

It took him about 5 seconds to realize his mistake and try and cover up for it.

"Yup. Just the same," he 'repeated', but I heard what he said before that and I know that he knows it, too.

"So the problem isn't your team, but the people in Konoha..."

"No. They aren't a problem, either."

"They're not?"

"I can handle them."

I sighed and turned around, heading for the livingroom. I sat down on the old, tattered couch and looked up at the ceiling, deep in thought. This boy can be so frustrating. It's like he doesn't know what's in his best interests. I know a million other kids who would lie about this kind of thing just to get more attention. Then perhaps... the other kind of treatment?

"Hey, Naruto... What do you think Sakura and Sasuke think about you?"

"Eh? ... I guess they think I'm okay."

"Really?"

"Why? You think they think less of me?"

"No, it's not that."

"Well, I guess you could say Sasuke hates me. And Sakura is so busy with Sasuke she probably doesn't know my last name. But I consider them siblings."

"Do you really?"

"Honestly, honestly?"

I nodded.

"...I don't think much of them, so it wouldn't surprise me if they thought the same way. A sibling should be important to you. They're not that spectacular. They're not even that interesting. Sakura's so simple-minded, and all Sasuke thinks about is killing his brother. He's worthless."

I had to laugh at that comment. "Worthless because he wants to avenge his clan?"

"No. Worthless because he's the kind of trash that wants to kill family. If I had a family... man... I'd be the happiest kid alive."

"So you miss your family, huh."

"Miss them?" he repeated, scoffing. "Have you never heard of the jinchuuriki-tale? Of the nine-tailed beast? Haven't you ever heard about the monster-kid who doesn't even have any parents? The ugly beast that'd slaughter its family if it had any? No? Never heard of him?"

I shook my head, though deep inside my heart squelched at the exact thing. I had heard the stories. I had heard the threats. I had seen the anger on the villagers' faces when they spoke of him. But that's just the thing; they didn't really mention a 'him' but an 'it'.

"Well I'm fed up. So I prefer to blur away their faces, if you don't mind."

Blur away their..? Oh, by drinking.

"I do mind. Which is why you're quitting."

"You know, I don't see why it should be only me. Why don't you make them quit?"

"Cos I know they don't bother you as much as something else does."

"And what may that be, then?"

"I don't know yet. But I can promise you; I will find out."

He scoffed and blew some hair away from his eyes. "Be my guest."

-R-

Seven p.m. rolled around like a nightmare. As usual, his behavior at night was peculiar and odd, but moreover he was more prone to begging for his 'stuff' than threatening me to give it to him. He wouldn't eat in the evening. Mostly because he would just puke it up again. Though a part of me also believed it was because he wasn't taught to eat at certain hours. He just ate whenever he was hungry. Sure, he heard about 'breakfast' and 'lunch' and 'dinner', but when to have them was something a kid like him never really thought about. Lunch, he knew all too well from studying in the academy, was something you had around the midday, and it consisted of fibre and proteine.

But dinner? What should you have then? Toast? Oat meal? And when?

He only ate ramen when he had the munchies, apparently. I also found some awful-looking gummy-worms in his cupboard. But I hadn't really found anything like vegetables or fruit, or even normal wheat-toast. The only thing I could find in larger amounts was rice. Probably because he had that whenever he felt hungry.

Damn, I'm really getting too into the subject. What do I care, right? No, I could just treat this as a mild concern for my student. I mean, if he doesn't eat properly, he'll die. So I could just tell him what the basic standards are, and then if he dies, it won't be my fault. Voila; problem solved.

I suddenly heard the faintest squeeky sound ever produced and turned around quickly, expecting an intruder. When nothing but silence greeted me, I looked around for a sign of the blonde. "Naruto?" But I didn't see, nor hear him.

Outside, perhaps?

I opened the window and looked outside. The streets were clear, besides the few shoppers who passed by every once in a while. If there were a less-clean and overall cheaper district in Konoha, it was this one. Naruto's neighbours were hardly ever found on the street and I've also never once found a child running around in this area.

And then, as if on qeue, I felt a very harsh pounding on the back of my head and realised someone had attacked from above. How I hadn't sensed the person, I don't know, but I turned around quickly to catch a glimpse of my attacker, though it was already too late. Whoever it was had disappeared and I went back inside quickly to get my pouch before jumping through the open window to try and find Naruto.

-R-

I searched all over town for him, but he was... nowhere. Like he'd really just vanished. Normally, I could sense his chakra from a mile away. But now... Now, the only thing that was out of the ordinary about the villagers' chakra levels was that one big peak I felt around the outskirts of town. At first I'd figured I should focus on finding Naruto and let the ANBU deal with it, but it appeared that nobody had taken action yet, because by eleven p.m., I still hadn't found him and the peculiar burst of chakra still lurched around.

So I decided to track down this chakra-explosion and ran toward another less-populated area in Konoha, just when it started to rain. The water pelted down quickly and soaked me to the bone, but I was more worried about the state of the city after this ball of energy surged through its limbs.

And then I stumbled upon it. In an old factory-pipe, most likely leading to a bunch of dead rats, sat the creature, huddled together to keep warm, and yet emitting such a blazing hot wave of chakra I could swear its skin was glowing red.

I pulled out a kunai and held it up infront of me, slowly walking toward it. Quickly and invisibily, I jumped to the side of the pipe, and pressed my ear against it. I could hear the sharp whizzing of chakra and shallow breaths before the popping sound of a pharmacetic tub and the soft click of a pill thwacking against a tooth.

And then it became all too clear. And although I was pretty certain who it was by now, I still held up my kunai and very slowly turned to peek into the pipe.

-R-

When I saw who it was, I dropped the kunai and immediately went for his middle, pressing on it as hard as I could. In the corner of my eye, I saw the little tub of Vicodin and knew very well that he'd taken several already.

The boy tried to escape and kicked and snarled vehemently, but that only served to make him vomit outside, out of the pipe. Which was, I guess, better. And as though this were normal, I counted the pills I could detect in the pool of gore and was relieved to find four. It was more than a kid his age should take, but less than I knew he used to take. When he was done taking deep breaths and went over to faster, softer ones, I patted him on the head once and told him he'd be okay.

But what I got out of that, was the return of the spike of energy and saw his eyes change colour. It was a mysterious and interesting vieuw, but also messed-up and sort of scary. It was like someone had spilled a drop of blood in his pupils and it spread all the way to his irises like a drop of ink in a river.

He clutched to the sides of his head in pain, groaning. "GET OUT!" he screamed, though to me it sounded more like a roar. His voice was husky and his hair vivid and sharp. His lips were even darker than his eyes were and I could see two sharp teeth sticking out against his lower lip as though he were a vampire.

And though he screamed those words, I was almost certain that they weren't directed toward me, but toward the being that turned him into the vicious-looking animal with the red chakra. So slowly, I reached out to him, on one side expecting him to snarl at me and chew my arm off and relaxing when I realized he didn't. I let my hand rest on his head and with my other, I took his left hand off the side of it to let him listen to me.

"You can control this," I assured him, watching as he pinched his eyes shut and grit his teeth. I could hear an odd, feline roar rumble in his chest and saw his nails turn glassier and sharper. His tan skin seemed to radiate an intense fire and before I knew it, a huge cloak of chakra had consumed him, hiding his body for just a moment, before it became a see-through shell with an air of anger and resent.

He prowled for a moment, before dashing off into the rain, jumping at such a speed I hardly recognized him.

"Naruto!" I called out, but he no longer heard me. I saw him tearing at his skin and roaring in pain and agony, but no matter what he tried, the Kyuubi wouldn't leave him alone. At least, that's what I thought it was. I figured that it must have been the Kyuubi, being it so that the only time I'd ever felt this kind of chakra before in my entire life was on the night of the attack. Sure, every once in a while, I probably felt something similar to it, but Naruto had such a large supply of his own chakra that he easily covered those little bits up.

I jumped out of the pipe and to his side, watching him scratch at his chest with his long claw-like nails. Scratching was putting it lightly, though. He was doing it with the intention of hurting himself so badly he might chase the Kyuubi off. It was a good plan, but a dumb one, since I was certain I could find a way to suppress the Kyuubi if I knew which seals to use. Ordinary sealing would not suffice in this case and it bothered me that it took so long for me to see how easily I could deal with this problem.

I teleported away from my spot and reappeared behind him, giving him a good swat on the back of his head and making him pass out.

Sighing, I picked the kid back up, swung him over my shoulder and put my hand at my forehead. "This just might be more troublesome than I expected."

With that, I walked back to the appartment, hoping to get some decent sleep tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I'm not own all the member of Naruto. They're belong to Masashi Kishimoto.**

 **Kyuzi4869: Sorry to dissapointed you..**

 **TroublesomeFox21: Thank you buddy, I appreciate it. :)**

 **Pat123: I glad you like it**

 **Warning: Bad words, drugs and etc.**

 **If you like it hit the like, if you hate it go to hell. lol**

Oh, how I loved irony. Sweet, sweet, irony. The "Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs", yes, I loved google definitions as well. But anyway, how ironic is it, that the exact thing I expected in this child the most, and the exact thing I hadn't expected the most, were switched?

I had expected Naruto to be a grumpy-when-tired, obnoxious kid, who was far too gullible for his own good and was therefore also oblivious to the important things in life.

Turns out he was the exact opposite. Then again, drugs have a big effect on your personal 'status', I suppose. But even without the alcohol or the powder, I expected him to be naturally cheerful for some reason. And even if it was a stupid thing to assume, since nobody really remains happy all day long, I sort of figured he would be his talkative, ambitious self, while kicking off.

Oh, how I loved irony. Though in this case I'd say I didn't. How ironic. Nope, I love it again.

-R-

Naruto had awoken about two hours ago, and since then all he'd done was stare outside or sip at his glass of apple juice. It made me wonder absentmindedly if he was currently on something that made him space out like that, but since he would look up whenever I made a move to speak to him, I figured he was 'in it' enough to respond quick enough.

After another half hour, I sighed and stretched, looking over at him out of the corner of my eye. When I realised he'd been in the same position for fourty-five minutes long, palm pressed against the side of his mouth and his elbow propped up on the window-sill, I made an odd request.

"Wanna' play a game of cards?"

And albeit it was something I as a sensei shouldn't really ask, though technically I don't see why not, he looked at me and shrugged. I took it as a "why not" so I pulled the deck of playing cards out of my pouch, which I kept there for late-night-out missions with teammates I wasn't likely to see ever again. This being because not only was I usually sent out on solo-missions and was therefore often paired up with people from other villages, but also because on more than 80% of all my missions, I was the only one who returned alive.

But I'm straying from the matter.

He sat up straight and watched me as I shook the cards with the skill of someone who should work in a casino and I was pleased to see his eyes lit up when I did the waterfall and the bridge. So there was some life and curiosity in the young teen after all.

"So what are we playing?" he asked.

I handed him seven cards and thought of a harmless, easy game we could play that didn't require too much brainpower. One that he would definitely know. 21? No. That's brainpower. Poker? Isn't that about the same? Spit! It's good to train your speed, that's right. But I'd win all the games, anyway. Oh, Go fish! I'm sure he knows that. Which kid doesn't?

"Go fish."

"What's that?"

"What's what?"

"Go fish."

My eyeballs nearly popped right out of their sockets. "You don't know what Go fish is?"

"Well excuse me, mister I-play-card-games-all-the-time, I was never allowed to play card-games."

"You weren't?" I knew people were suspicious around him and maybe they wouldn't let their children play with him after school, but not allowing a kid to play a simple game of cards is just... wrong.

He shrugged once more. "Nope." And with that, he looked at his cards with a certain entertained attitude I hadn't ever seen on him before. It was almost like he was amused by the drawings or that he was mocking certain numbers or shapes. I couldn't tell. Maybe he was even secretly laughing at those people for prohibiting him from playing something that wasn't even all that impressive and that he was going to play it now, anyway.

"Alright, so the point of the game is that you each of the four suits of as many number cards as you can."

"What?"

I sighed. "Maybe I should start with the basics."

"No, no, skip the basics. Basics are boring."

Well, perhaps there was one thing about him that was still the same, with or without drugs; his hatred for basics and other information on which you could build more knowledge and other dictionary words.

"I'll keep it short. See these four cards?"

"Yeah."

"What are they?"

"Guys in weird clothes."

"Alright, but what's the letter say?"

"J."

"So they're Jacks."

"Okay."

"Now, there are different symbols on every card. This one is --?"

He shrugged, looking at me like I was insane for thinking that he might know and for talking to him like a little child. But how else should I speak to him? I mean, he had no idea what I was talking about whatsoever and I honestly just wanted him to get the game so we could pass the time and I could get out of here as soon as possible.

"It's a spade. You know, like something you use to dig at the ground? See the shape? Looks kind of like it, doesn't it?"

"Sure."

"Now, this one is--?"

"A square."

"Technically, it's a lozenge. What, do I have to work on your Geometry, too? Anyway, we call it a diamond."

The boy blew some hair out of his eyes and snorted.

"And this one?"

"A tree."

"It's a clover."

"Alright, a clover then."

"And this one is-"

"A heart," Naruto cut in, eager to say the one thing he knew.

"Right. Now, there's a certain order to these things. Some cards are more valuable than others. Some are worth more. Right now, of course, that doesn't matter, cos we're playing Go fish. But in other games, it's pretty handy to know which cards resemble what. So, first there's the two. That's technically the lowest card in the deck."

"No one?"

"Nope. One doesn't exist. Now, I'll tell you more about the two when we get to that point. Anyway, after two comes three, then four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten. Then, comes the jack; you know, these guys." I held them each up again and Naruto nodded, sort of unfocused.

"Queen beats jack, king beats queen and ace beats king. But, the only card that can beat the ace, is the two."

"But I thought you said-"

"Exactly. But I also said that I would explain more about it, right? So, anyway, there are two very special cards in the deck, as well."

"Special cards?" His ears were perked much like a fox's ears would twitch when it listened for any kind of threat.

"Yes; these guys."

Naruto took the cards I held out to him and stared at them. I could actually see some kind of sense of admiration or awe spark in his eyes and I smiled briefly, before continuing my explanation. "They're the jokers. Jokers technically out-rule any card in almost every game, but in our game.." I took the cards he gave back to me and tossed them over my shoulder, "..they have no value whatsoever."

Naruto's eyes followed the cards as though he was afraid to lose them and he focused back on my hands as I took the jacks.

"So. The point of this game is to get a quartet. You know what that game is, right?"

"I know what one, two, three piano is."

I sighed miserably and held my thumb and index finger at my forehead, sighing incredulously. "Okay, so when playing quartet, the point is that you get a pair of four the same cards, yes? So here, with the jacks, I've got all four kinds of them."

"I can see that."

"Thank God you can," I mumbled under my breath.

Naruto caught it, but let it slide. "So what's the point of getting this 'quartet'?"

"I'm getting there." I flipped the cards onto each-other, hiding all but the top letter and symbol, except for the last one, which would inevitably show its picture of a man in less fancy clothes than the king. "So here I've got a Jack of hearts, spades, clovers and diamonds. Which makes it a quartet. So I've basically got one point. But you have to try and get as many points as you can."

"So what do I do with these?" Naruto asked, holding his cards out to me. I turned away quickly, holding up a hand and saying, "Don't show them to me; I'm not supposed to know which cards you have."

"Oh. Okay." He turned them face-down onto the table and asked again, "But what's the point of having them? There's only seven. I could never get more than one quartet."

Well at least his Algebra is in order. "Well, that's where the point of the game follows up. You're supposed to ask each-other, in turn, if they have a certain card. Say, you want more sevens. Then you ask me, "Do you have any sevens?" and if I do, I have to give you all my sevens. If I don't, I say "Go fish" and you take a card from the pile. If the card you take from the pile is a seven, you say "fish upon a wish" and you get another turn. When you have a quartet, it's also your turn again. Get it?"

"I think so," the blond replied, pensively.

It's so weird for me, the person who as a kid despised card-games cos they were a waste of time, is explaining this to him now. It's like he's the angsty version of Minato-sensei. I don't even see anything of his parents in him, anymore.

"So who starts?" he asked, bringing me back into the world of abused potheads and rehabilitation.

"Go ahead."

"Do you have any eights?" he asked as I looked at my cards. Upon realizing I already had a quartet, which consisted of, in fact, all eights, I held them up.

He reached for them, but I held them out of his reach and sighed, saying, "You can't ask for a card you don't have."

"Well you didn't mention that!" he accused.

"I figured it was sort of obvious," I shrugged, laying the cards down on the table in a little pile. "Anyway, why don't you start over?"

"Do you have any... twos?"

"Go fish."

He drew a card from the pile and smiled a tiny, mismatched sort of smile, since the two halves of his face didn't really correspond with each-other.

"Did you get a two?"

"How do you know?" he asked, wide eyed. He looked at the back of the card to see if I was cheating by looking through it or something stupid like that.

"Your face. Anyway, now you're supposed to say 'fish upon a wish'."

"Fish upon a wish?"

"Alright, now go again."

"Okay. Have you got any twos?"

I nearly smacked myself in the face. "If I didn't have any earlier, do you think I have any now?"

"...Oh. Good point." He drew another card from the pile and smiled incredulously. "Fish upon a wish!"

"No shit, really?" I asked, kind of amazed at this kid's luck. He held up the card to prove it to me, and it was, in fact, a spade of two's. He took the other three two's from his hand and proudly muttered "quartet", which surprised me, since I never, ever, thought muttering could be done in a proud way.

-R-

So we played Go fish for a good two hours, until his nervous stomach set in again and he ran to the washroom, where he released a good portion of the fluids and acids his stomach contained and lurched them into the toilet. Having been on enough missions that involved the spilling of blood and therefore also the disgusting sounds of my companions' vomiting, I was pretty used to it and just stood by the bathroom door, which had been flung open in the boy's ealier hurry to reach the pot in-time before his body played Grim reaper on him.

I leaned against the doorframe with my arms crossed against my chest, eyes shut. When he took a moment to breathe, I asked, "You alright?" as casually as I could.

I was shocked as hell, though, when I heard him laughing bitterly and rather demonicly. The only sign that showed my shock, though, was how I opened my visible eye to look at him.

"Look at you, acting like you're the wise and all-knowing sensei," he ground out with a hoarse voice. "Does seeing me in this state make you feel at an advantage? Or do you simply enjoy being the stronger man?"

He took another break to cough and felt another wave of nausea hit him, causing him to lean over the edge of the toilet-seat again, spitting out the few acids his stomach still contained.

"Perhaps.. you just feel smarter, cos you're older. But no-one, no matter what age, should have to put up with -" but he was cut off by himself as he quickly gripped onto the toilet-seat again and hurled out his body's content, which now also consisted of thick, blotchy blood. I saw him actually vomitting blood and the sight unnerved me.

"We should get you to the hospital."

"Hospital?" he chuckled, bitterly again. "Tell me honestly, who would treat me? And even if they would, who would protect me from the doctors' needles?"

"Gotten some sort of phobia, have you?"

"If rational fear of death or poisoning is a phobia, then I have."

I sighed and got a washcloth from the shelf to my left, before heading over to his sink to wet it. I hunched down beside him and folded the washcloth neatly so it could fit on his forehead. "In any case," I said, streaking back the blond spikes now covering his eyes and pressing the cloth against his burning-hot forehead, "you can't just stay in your bathroom without seeking medical treatment."

"Says who?"

I chuckled briefly. "Says the sane part in your mind. If you have one at all."

He, too, couldn't help smiling at that and it sort of lightened the mood to see him act just a little like the Naruto I used to know.

"Ma, anyway, at least we know it's working."

"Ugh," was all the boy could utter, before wiping his mouth with his sleeve and standing up slowly, making use of the edge of the bathtub.

"You should sit down," I said though, pretty sure that if he really did hide any other kind of pill in any other corner of any other room, he'd be up and about to swallow it in no-time. I was sure of that. So I had to make sure he couldn't get his hands on any and therefore had to keep a good eye on him. This isn't your average every-day teenager, after all. He's cunning and 'slippery when wet' by which of course I mean that when he has a trick up his sleeve, he can slither away into the shadows without you even noticing.

It was something I'd never expected of him. More of Sakura, or Sasuke. I always figured that he, with his loud colours and his flashy entries, even the way he laughed maniacally, would never ever be the kind to disappear into the shadows unnoticed.

When talking about a quiet Naruto to any kind of villager, their first reaction would be, "What? Naruto? Quiet? The kid who runs through the village shouting that he'll be Hokage someday, quiet?"

Though now of course I knew the reason for such childish behavior. After all, nobody in their right mind, would shout across the rooftops the exact words every villager in Konoha mocked and abused him for. It was like walking into a Jewish neighbourhood and shouting "Heil Hitler".

"Don't wanna sit down," he said, body tensing and shoulders shaking as he made his way to the the sink and washed his face with shivering hands. His lower lip quivered and he had a nervous tick that occasionally made the lower lid on his left eye inch up. He actually had goosebumps and his forehead kept on getting clammy and sweaty no matter how thoroughly he washed his face.

I took him by his shoulders and led him back to the living room, pushing him down on the couch. "Just rest, okay?"

He pushed my arms away, shouting, "Fuck off!"

"Maa, maa, take it easy. You're gonna faint if you get all hotheaded like that."

"Would you just shut up and stop talking about things you don't understand?!"

His glassy eyes were unfocused and he had bags underneath his eyes. He was tired-out, but tried his best to cover it up. Or perhaps he really was just a big ball of energy, who knew? At this point, I didn't know anything about him, anymore.

There was a while of silence and I sat down on the recliner, gazing outside and waiting for him to cool off. Then I suddenly felt this wave of power, which, for some reason, gave me cold sweat, and I had to look at the floor before I could check the kid out. Then I saw his eyes.

"Naruto."

"What?!" he spat.

"You should really calm down."

I saw his face deform from annoyed and confused to aggressively, royally pissed-off.

Why do I always make that mistake? Telling people to calm down only pisses them off. I should know that by now, you'd think.

"And you should shut the fuck up ! Seems like neither of us can get what they want!"

I could tell he was in another place in his head. It was like I'd disturbed him while he was battling the Kyuubi or something like that. His face was glowing and flushed and his veins throbbed in his neck. He pressed his right hand between his knees again and used his left to wipe at his forehead every once in a while. His eyes were gazing at almost every object in the room unfocusedly and his head was tipping a little to the side, though I'm pretty sure he was unaware of that.

I stood up and headed for the bathroom to wet the washcloth again and returned in front of him, sagged through my knees, and dabbed at his face a little with the cloth. Somewhere, I sort of pitied him. I mean, it was his own fault for starting that kind of crap in the first place, but it was sad that he had to go through all this now. After all, not a single kid I know, who doesn't hang out with the kind of crap on the streets that sells that stuff, starts doing drugs by himself.

"So..." I started when he swatted my hand away and had the washcloth flying out the window, "how'd all this start, anyway?"

He shrugged before smirking for just a tiny moment and he asked, "What? You butting into my life or me doing drugs?"

I didn't want to answer that question, since it was pretty obvious which one I meant, but answered anyway. "Why'd you start doing drugs?"

"Does it seem like the kind of thing I want to discuss?" the boy snarled.

"No," I replied, sighing and shaking my head as I sat down on the table in front of him. "But as your sensei, I need answers."

"Fuck your answers."

"Look, Naruto. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. The easy way is for you to tell me how this started and why. And the hard way.. is for you to quit the team, cos I can't have anyone on my team I can't trust."

"This has nothing to do with trust," he growled back, "this is about YOU and your pathetic desire to protect everyone you get close to cos you lost everyone else!"

The words had so much as left his mouth when I grabbed his jaw and pinched it hard enough to make him stop talking. Inadvertedly, his mouth fell open, but no sound came out, as he was shocked that I'd actually make him shut up.

"So.. the easy way or the hard way?" I asked.

He pulled away and pushed a lock of unkempt hair out of his eyes. He sighed defeatedly and I could tell the win was mine.

"How did it start?"

His lips were pressed tightly shut, though, and I could tell he honestly didn't want to tell anyone.

So I pulled out the pack of cards and shook them. His eyes were back on the cards again and I was happy I had my mask on cos I could feel myself smirking.

I handed him 10 cards this time, hoping for a quick, easy game. It was just to cut through the tension, after all. I took my own cards and looked at them briefly.

"Three?" he asked.

I looked at my cards again, totally unfocused before, so I honestly had no clue which cards I did and didn't have. I spotted two three's and handed them to him, asking, "Did you just decide to try it out, or did someone make you?"

He took the cards and put them away, replying, "Someone sort of put me up to it."

"Queen?"

He pointed at the pile nonchallantly as he shook his head lightly and I took a card, asking, "How?"

"Six."

I pointed at the pile as well and he took a little while to answer. "They... came after me. It was the first time I actually came close to dying. Potheads, they were. Came flying at me. After they beat me up, they... did the procedures. But to do that, they had to get me calm and quiet enough, so they drugged me. For some reason, it calmed the Kyuubi down and I... I sort of liked that."

He must've seen the shock on my face, cos he quickly scanned his cards and said, "Oh, quartet. D'you have any sevens?"

"Go fish. The procedures?"

He was looking at his cards, waiting impatiently for me to ask if he had a certain card, but I wanted an answer out of him before I asked him if he had any aces.

"You know.."

Was that a blush? Was he ashamed of something? I mean, it wasn't like I didn't have a clear guess of what he meant by 'procedures', but I had to make sure I was correct before I started grasping at straws.

He cleared his throat and quickly muttered, "Rape."

"D'you have any aces?"

"Go fish. Five?"

I handed him the card and mulled over what he'd just said. So potheads in the streets beat him up and then sexually abused him by using drugs. So technically, the drugs must've softened the pain of both the abuse and the Kyuubi's constant presence. Which is probably the reason why he likes it so much. It takes away his pain. It eliminates any chance of getting hurt, which he's been all his life.

"Jack?"

I handed him two cards and saw him smirk like a little child. "Quartet," he happily anounced, probably not only to get his mind off the idea of his past abuse but to clear my mind of it as well.

"Nine?"

"Go fish. Ten?"

"Go fish. Queen?"

Darn. I handed him my queens and he made a pile of the four cards, setting them down beside him.

"Nine?"

"Go fish. Did you just continue doing it on your own, or did others force it upon you still?"

"... At first, I ... The, the second time... The second time was in the bar I work at. My boss told me to give the customers exactly what they wanted. They had a good time at first, but then they started getting enough of the booze and said that they wanted to do something 'more exciting'. And I sort of snuck out the back to see what they meant by 'more exciting' and once they spotted me, they asked me if I wanted to join them on their trip. They assured me it was going to be fun, so I sort of agreed, and before I knew it, I had a needle up my arm."

"King?"

He handed me the card and I flipped it into my deck, looking for something else I might be able to ask him. Seven?"

"Go fish. Nine?"

I shook my head and he reached into the pile. "Two?"

He gave me the card he'd just picked up and I could see a glint of something flash in his eyes. It seemed like protective anger, though I couldn't quite place it. It was probably the way his brows were arched in an insecure way, but how his eyes expressed a self-certain, arrogant look. It was odd to see combined, so I disected the entire look and decided that I would label it as his way of protecting himself from getting hurt. Protecting himself from me.

"Four?"

"Go fish. Eight?"

"Oh wait, fish upon a wish." Now that I'd heard which card he had, I looked at my deck to make sure I had one too and asked, "eight?"

He grumbled and handed me the card like a moping child but that only proved to make him all the more fun to tease. Only in my head, of course.

"And when did you start to do it on your own?"

"Stupid eight."

"Naruto."

"It's a stupid number, anyway."

Well, he has already let loose a lot of information. Perhaps I should give him a break from all this 'heart to heart' stuff. "Naruto, it's only a card. But, since you just picked up the last card and I'm only missing one, I'm pretty sure it's you who has it, so, d'you have any kings?"

He gave it to me reluctantly and I put it together with my other cards. "Quartet." How ironic. The king's the last card. The one that made me win the game. Of course, that makes me KING! My thoughts had taken on a demonic, laughing voice, but then three seconds later they turned serious again.

The king is sort of like the Hokage, though. The king if the head of the family. The head must look out for his family. ... How ironic.

Oh how I loved sweet irony.

 **Like always. Give me your comments, criticisms or suggestions. Don't worry I will reply in the next chapter. Thank you.** **Ja ne!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I'm not own all the member of Naruto. They're belong to Masashi Kishimoto.**

 **Magicvibes:** I try my best but you know.. Honest, I'm bad with romance /Sigh/

 **TroublesomeFox2** **1:** I'm very very verry grateful to you. About yaoi or not? It was yaoi but because I'm really BAD at making romance so I'm not focused on it.

 **News: Next chapter will be held on** **Sunday** **so stay tuned.** **(Take a little break ain't hurt right? lol)**

It was two o'clock in the morning. And I so wasn't in the mood for any drama. Besides, how do you tell a teenage boy to just get to bed already? Especially when you aren't even related to him! How the hell do you swing that? And besides, I'm just one guy. Just one man, facing the most wild, energetic, hyperactive boy in the world who, may I add, has a huge mass of power surging right in his gut. I don't stand a chance against him.

Well, when it comes to telling him nicely to go to sleep.

So, instead of plotting out the best way to get him to listen to me, I planned the best strategic way to knock him out without causing any harm to his already-dead braincells. Perhaps that's why his thinking-power has been degenerating since the day we met him. His braincells were literally dying on him as we spoke.

Anyway, I snuck up on him as he shifted the cards in his hands, shuffling them with practiced grace. Sometimes, he took a little break to look outside through the filthy window, before returning to his 'training'.

"Naruto."

"Hmm?" He looked up curiously.

I was about to give him one of my strict glances and a nice lecture to go with it, but slipped over something I'd rather not talk about, so let's call it a ninja-wire booby-trap he set up before I came over, and wound up flipping through the air and landing with my stomach on the top of the backrest of the chair was sitting in and with, well, my face about one inch seperated from his, only upside-down. His lips were parted with exasperation as he gaped at me wide-eyed.

"Tada," I said, trying to smile despite the wave of nausea originating from my stomach.

The boy's earlobes went from red to white and his face was pink all over. And despite the fact that pink would be a terrible shade on anybody else, it looked good on him since his skin usually had the nagging to go more toward orange than brown. Though these last few days I've seen him more white than anything else, he's known to be extremely tanned from being outside all day long and also cos his dad had a nice beigy skin.

Minato-sensei excelled at all the things Naruto horribly fails at. Take, for instance, being quiet. Naruto got his mother's aptitude for loud objects, or at least, that's what I've gathered before all this occurred. And Minato-sensei had almond-shaped eyes, blasting a certain confidence yet manly sensuality that happened to charm all the women around him, even if he was unaware of it. Or perhaps, just because he was unaware of it. Cos people who are attractive and know it, aren't really that attractive at all. Naruto's eyes were large and screamed something of 'acknowledge me' instead of 'believe in me'. Like he wanted people to think he was a self-certain little bugger, but deep inside he really needed somebody to tell him how brave he was. Which is why he always screamed it from the rooftops that he was 'oh so great' and 'going to be Hokage' ; in the hopes that someday somebody might pick up on it and repeat those words for him. He also had a little bit of green around his irises, something he probably got from Kushina, along with her thick, long eyelashes.

Naruto's smile was one of his own, though.

The one I've seen all those years and have grown accustomed to, turned out to be the fake one. He used Kushina's big blasting flash of huge white teeth for that. Which, I guess, is appropriate, since Kushina smiled a lot of fake smiles herself. Mostly because it was tough for her to warm up to a whole new village with people who look at you like an outcast.

The one he rarely uses is Minato's. Also fake. Usually when he's tired or worn-out or about to crawl into his tent after a long day on the road. Just a small lift of the corners of his mouth and a calm, gentle look in his eyes. Sometimes he puts in the effort to lift up his lower eyelids to seem a little happier, but when he's really tired, he won't even put in the effort to keep his eyes open.

Then there's the self-certain smirk, which is sort of a mix between the two.

And then there's his. I've only seen his smile once, and it happened at a moment I least expected it. I haven't really thought about it much until now, so I guess back then I just figured it was an ordinary smile, albeit one that I hadn't seen on him before. I probably thought, at the time, that there are a million types of smiles that can be placed on a single person's face, but not with this kid.

It happened the day I saved him from a horde of villagers who were attacking him on October the tenth, which happened to be his birthday. When I offered him a hand, he looked up at me with a look on his face I'd never, ever seen before. It was a look of fear. And yet, there was also admiration. His eyes were open wide, like he was a deer caught in headlights, and his lips were parted from the words he couldn't say.

"You alright?" I'd asked then, since he didn't move.

And then he smiled. It was so much better than any other smile, even if there was less 'happiness' in it than most. His eyes softened immediately, his pupils dialated extremely, and he lifted the corners of his mouth just enough for me to see a tiny bit of his lower and top row of teeth. It was a daring kind of smile, but since his eyes were so soft, it looked like he was unsure of what to do. A squeeling high-school girl would've melted at the innocent expression and shouted "KAWAII!!!" in a way that any other ordinary person would need an extra lung-full of oxygen for.

He got his father's blood-type, but not his blood. Naruto was known to be hot-blooded, and Minato was known to be as cold-blooded as a salamander. On missions, at least. He could give you this icy glare that demanded silence, but he could also give you a look that warmed you from head to toe. But never, ever, was Minato seen in childish outrage. Not even as a child. Minato has always been a mature kid, from what I've heard. He was polite and fake happiness when it would prove useful for the current situation. Naruto, on the other hand, didn't change himself for the sake of the mission; he found that the mission should adapt to HIM, not other way around.This is something he got from neither of his parents, since Kushina was fine with adapting to situations, just not with changing herself. While Kushina had a high sense of self-respect, Naruto had a lot of trouble and difficulty respecting the outside world.

Also, Minato's hair was fine and had a certain style to it, even though it looked like some odd creation that founded itself the moment he got out of bed. Naruto's hair was a thick, haphazard mess spread over the whole of his head chaotically.

But back to the skin. Kushina had the typical skintone every woman longs for. Well, Eastern woman. Those Western women all want dark tans and blonde hair. But Kushina had that typical white nape of the neck, creamy white hands, and rosy ivory cheeks. Her skin was smooth and silky soft, like dragging your fingers through a whirlpool. After all, that's what she owed it to -- her ancestors from Whirlpool village. She had slick hair, that moved with her beautifully as she fought, almost as though she were fighting under-water. She had a certain elegance about her, too. It was an elegance Naruto would never achieve, since he didn't grow up around it. Sasuke grew about around people who were trained all their lives to make no sound when they walked, which is why it came naturally to him. Hinata's family had the ability to manouever around any obstacle, which is why it was like a second nature to her. Even Sakura, whose parents weren't ninja, had learned how to detect certain footsteps and decypher who was who without visual help. She was an excellent tracker thanks to that. She was clever, because making up excuses must've been like a natural reflex to her after all those years and she was manipulative, because getting her parents to believe that becoming a ninja was a stepping-stone to a better life must've been one hell of a discussion.

I'm straying from the topic again, aren't I? Anyway, Minato-sensei was like an angel to most of the villagers. A strong, manly angel. He had beautiful, golden tufts of hair, and a rich expresso-like, healthy tan. His cheeks glowed when he laughed too hard, and his blazing blue orbs stood out harshly against his dark skin, but that only proved to make him more attractive, cos surely those bright blues would look horrible against pale white skin.

Meanwhile, Naruto had a more orange-like glow about him. Mostly, probably, because of all the crap he's been taking, but also because he got his tan less from genetics and more from being outside. I'm sure that if he would stop taking all that crap and would spend some more time outside in the sun afterwards, his skin would look just like Minato-sensei's had.

"I was just about to say that you should get to sleep. And, seeing as my guard's pretty low, I should too."

"Yeah. Sure."

Now that was a shocker. But I guess I shouldn't be too amazed. I mean, it's morning already; he's probably dog-tired as it is.

But having all that behind me, I sigh a content sort of huff, and settle down on the couch on the opposite side of the rather small livingroom, by the other window, with its back turned to the rest of the room. Almost like a little safe bunker, where nobody can find you. Well, unless they have the brains to look around, that is.

I can hear Naruto's small feet creaking on the wooden floorboards as he makes his way across the room as well, only to enter his even smaller bedroom. I've seen it before, when I had to fetch him for an early mission. Just glimpses and glances of course. But I've seen enough of it to know how simple and not-homey it is. Unlike Sakura's, whose walls are a faded pink, covered with all sorts of posters of whichever guy was the hottest that year, pictures of her and her 'BFFs', ribbons of the 'Pretty Little Lady' contests she's won and whatnot. Sakura's room had been restyled the moment she became a ninja of team seven, mostly because she wanted to be respected by us. But the only things she really chose to change were having all those stuffed animals around and sticking valentines hearts against her mirror. Besides that, her pearly white make-up desk was still a mess of perfume-bottles, blush, lipstick, mascara, eye-pencil and all those other things girls like to cake onto their faces. She still kept that one scruffy-looking white bunny on her pillow and that 'secret' shoebox under her bed, with her 'important' memories.

Sasuke had a simpler room, but you could tell by the way it was decorated, that it was his. He had two white walls and two dark blue ones. His bed was more Spartan-like, with simple white sheets and a blue quilt at the end. He didn't have a single poster or picture on a single wall, but he did have two swords hanging against the wall opposite of his bed and the Uchiha fan picture on his ceiling. He had a door on either side of his bed, one leading to an immense walk-in closet and the other to a grand bathroom. He had a desk pushed against the window-side of his room, filled neatly with all kinds of scrolls and maps. His drawers were properly stashed with weapons and explosive notes and his whole room was organised and clean. The only thing that stood out the most was the crack in the wall he'd pushed the head of his bed against to cover it up. But to a trained eye like mine, it wasn't hard to spot.

Now, Naruto's room was as simple as it could get. The walls were white, the floorboards were the same as they were in the livingroom and the kitchen, and his bed was a simple half-Japanese, half-European, standard bed pushed up against the wall beside his one and only window. There were no posters, no ribbons, no clan heritage symbols. He had a picture of team seven on the nightstand beside his bed, but aside from that, there were no personal belongings in the room. He had a simple cupboard pushed into the corner of the room, where he stored his few clothes and his schoolbooks which he no longer needed to use. He had a little closet where he kept his old and tattered weapons, with a safe on the sole shelf it possessed, containing the few coins he had left.

Naruto didn't own a quilt hand-stitched by his mother, or a stuffed-animal he got from his grandparents the day he was born. He didn't have a poster of the school dance or 'that old leather jacket his father used to wear'. Naruto wasn't in possession of anything that came close to what they used to have. He didn't like the same flowers they did, though I'm sure he had a certain liking toward gardening cos he did a fine job keeping the little plants in the kitchen alive.

Naruto didn't smell the same way his parents did. His mother's perfume didn't linger on his clothes everywhere he went, and he didn't use the same aftershave his father did. He didn't have a brother to look up to, who had his back wherever he went. He didn't have 'that old ticket' from the day they went to Disneyland. He didn't have his big brother's hockeystick or baseball glove. He didn't catch the winning ball and he didn't get an autograph from that NBA basketball player. Nobody would take him to any of the exciting places in life, so he probably figured there weren't any.

Naruto didn't understand the value of memories. To him, memories were things he'd rather discard of instead of keeping them close to the heart. Naruto didn't like being reminded of the times he was beaten, or glared at, or told he was a monster that destroyed the entire village.

Naruto did not understand the power of tiny mementos from a certain day that has long-since passed.

Then again, I guess he just didn't want to understand.

-R-

It was about three thirty in the morning. And I so wasn't in the mood to play big brother right now. But I heard him, yelping, tossing and turning in his sleep. I couldn't help it. I stood up and headed over to him, stopped beside his bed and simply stared at him. I stood motionlessly, watching him, analyzing the distress displayed across his face. Saw his features shrink together, saw his lips part as he bared his teeth to 'defend himself', saw his arms flailing all over the place as his knee rose up as yet another useless sign of defence.

And much like everything else happens around here, I unexpectedly climbed onto the bed, one knee on his left side, the other on his right. I was able to see him so clearly from here, even in the dark. I was able to see the grooves of his possession marks, scarring his cheeks like whiskers. I was able to detect a tinge of pink on his cheekbones as he struggled to fight off his demons. I could see the strawberry redness of his lips, something that shouldn't force a grown man such as myself to say it, but since everything was already a blur and as usual I couldn't help myself, I whispered "kawaii," reminded of the fact that little children usually have lips that seem to be coated in lipstick, but aren't.

His hair smelled like apples and cinnamon, and for a guy that doesn't like cinnamon, I found it to be oddly comforting and sensual at the same time. Absentmindedly, I wondered which shampoo he used and if he bought it for the scent or because it was the cheapest in the store. And that's when I was reminded of the fact that this was my student and I was helping him kick off for Goliath's sake.

He whimpered and I took that as my qeue to help out. So I placed my palm flat against his cheek, able to feel how silky smooth it felt against my fingertips. Shaking myself out of those thoughts, I cleared my throat and said, "Naruto, wake up. You're having a nightmare."

His eyes shot open wide instantly, and he was scared for a moment, not used to waking up to a face, let alone a face that was rather close to his own. But when he realised it was me, his breathing returned to its usual, rigid sort of state and it was confusing to me that he didn't even wonder why on earth I was on his bed and gazing at him so intently. It aroused something deep inside of me that he could just trust me so blindly, expecting me to do the right thing because, I was, his sensei. But not just that; I was the kind of guy that wouldn't think the kind of stuff I'm thinking about right now. Well, not right now, of course. Cos right now I'm thinking about not thinking about that stuff. Ugh. It's too early for this.

"I'm kind of warm, do you mind if I take a shower?" he asked after a while of silence, already getting out of bed.

"No. No. You go ahead." Not like he needed my permission to take a bloody freaking shower in his own bloody freaking house.

Less than two minutes later, I could hear the shower running and that smell of apples and cinnamon again. And I wondered for less than two seconds if it would be odd to ask him which shampoo he used. And yes, in case you were wondering, it took me less than two milliseconds to realise that indeed, it WOULD be odd. But then there was this overwhelming scent of pine and vanilla which at first I thought would be the strangest mix ever, but since the vanilla was so feignt and the pine so strong, it hit me like a bomb inside my head and I realised how much I wanted to inhale the scent fully only when I was standing at the door of the bathroom, hand on the doorknob, waiting for my brain to catch up with my nostrills and tell me to stop.

Thank God the shower stopped running moments later and I was able to pry myself away from the door and back to the livingroom, where I kept myself occupied by shuffling the deck of cards on the table.

He walked out three minutes later with a fluffy white towel around his waist and another in his hair as he went through his sunshine blonde locks thoroughly. The scent overwhelmed me when the bathroomdoor swung open, but it was only when he sat down on the recliner that I understood how badly I wanted to be near him.

"So. What are we playing?" he asked, flashing me a tricky smile.

Like you know any other game besides Go Fish.

I managed to return to my usual, stoic self, and raised my shoulders. "Whatever you want."

"Hmm..." He took seven cards from the pile and put them in front of me before taking seven for himself and asking, "Do you have any eights?"

And with that, the game was set into motion.

-R-

Only two games later I could tell he'd really gotten tired and I saw him looking at me with a certain uncertainty I'd only seen on him the first day I came over to 'help' him. It was then that I realised he was trying to tell me with his eyes that he was afraid to go back to sleep in his bedroom, where the Kyuubi could easily take control of his body now that he was in a rather vulnerable state of mind.

I scooted backwards against the backrest and settled myself comfortably with my feet up on the couch before beckoning him over. Reluctantly, hesitantly, he came over and sat down at the edge of the sofa, probably waiting for me to make a move to get him to lie down. I yawned and pulled my sweater up over my head before pulling it over his, sort of happy when I found out it reached until right above his knees.

When he shot me a confused look, I shrugged and said, "You don't think I'm going to sleep with a naked kid beside me, do you? I'm not a priest, you know."

"A priest?" he asked, "I thought they were the good guys."

"Don't you follow the news?" I asked in the best condescending tone I could muster at the moment, while my head was spinning out of control at the thought of the fact that I just covered up that beautiful, luscious smell by closing it off with my own scent of -- what was it? Wet dog? No, seriously, what did I smell like?

He shook his head as he lay down, gingerly pulling his knees up to his chest so as to cause me as little disturbance as possible. Oh how I would love to confy in him at the moment that that was something he couldn't change anymore, since it was clear that I would be struggling to keep the faded yellow pillow covering my erection for the remainder of the night.

And as I wondered how on earth that suddenly happened and which hot, young, fiesty beauty of a woman had walked in, I heard him mutter sleepily, in that all-too-adorable slur of his, "I like this scent. Smells like rain."

And there I lay, in a cramped position and something I never thought I'd be brought to bear again, especially not thanks to a short teenage kid; a flushed face.

And, mind you, after hearing the kid snore and feeling his drool reach my face, my 'little problem' got taken care of.

-R-

"Naruto, you don't want this."

"Yes, sensei, I do!"

"No, you d- wait, don't put my hand there, I'll hurt you!"

"S-sen-sensei, please! I want you inside of me!"

"You-Nn. Naruto. Naruto, take these off of me."

"With pleasure, sensei. Wow! You're huge."

"Hn hn hn! Now, which first? Fingers, I presume? You should always stretch before training."

"And when have I ever turned down the advice of sensei?"

"Here. Lick them."

"Mmm."

"You're one hot little fox, you know that?"

"Nn, just take me now, sensei! Sensei! Ah, sensei! Sensei! Sensei!

-R-

"Sensei! Sensei! SENSEEEI!"

"Huh, what?"

"You're having a, uhm... dream."

"What?"

It took less that three seconds to register what he'd said and what exactly had happened. Coming up with the lamest excuse I had, I said, "Oh, that? Don't worry, all men my age get it. It's just old people sweat. Don't worry, I'll buy you a new couch." I literally threw the couch out the window and clapped my hands in a wiping sort of way.

"So, you up for breakfast?" I asked, ignoring the shocked expression on his face and heading to the kitchen without another look at him.

I prepared some oatmeal and we ate it in silence, prefering to agree to never speak of it again in our own, non-verbal way. After that I took a quick shower in the safety of my own home, feeling reassured by the fact that everything was still the same where I lived and that it was still a sanctity and holy place for women.

I had my dogs around, my big, manly poster of one of Jiraiya-sama's books, and even my town-maps and scrolls and weapons and poisons and my manly promotion-declarations, proving to boost my self-esteem.

But I couldn't hide it from myself anymore.

Was I changing by helping someone else change? Was I really erotically stimulated by a teenage BOY? I mean, a teenage girl is already crossing the line. People on the streets would point and call me pervert, but this was really... taboo.

But I reassured myself it was just because I'd been away from the things that proved to provide me with a sense of 'self'. Without the little things I held on to, the threads that bound me to myself, I might as well be the woman in Iwagakure, disguised as such for the sake of the mission, luring men into my bed in order to get information from them.

Yes. That makes sense. I just wasn't myself.

Or perhaps I'd been hiding from myself all along. Maybe this really was Hatake Kakashi.

Who knows. I'm not willing to find out.

But, much like everything around here seems to happen nowadays, it wasn't up to me. It really wasn't my choice. It was unexpected.

 **So how is it? Please don't get mad at me, I truly did my best to write a romance. /Feeling desperate/**

 **Like always. Give me your comments, criticisms or suggestions. Don't worry I will reply in the next chapter. Thank you.Ja ne!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I'm not own all the member of Naruto. They're belong to Masashi Kishimoto.**

When I woke up, it wasn't to the sound of barking, or a ranting old lady, or lady Hokage telling me I was late for a mission. It wasn't to any sound at all. It was to instinctive intuition. For some reason, I had the feeling something was wrong. So, like any normal person would, I stood up, stretched, and went to look for Naruto; who had decided to sleep in his room for an all-too-understanding reason. I still don't know what came over me yesterday. I do know that I usually get dreams like those whenever I let someone get interesting to me. It even happened with Minato-sensei. He was the first to let me see the world differently since my parents died, and before I knew him better, I got one of those dreams.

And since I didn't get one of those dreams last night, I have a feeling the same thing must've happened with Naruto. Therefore, the moment I opened the door to his room and found him on the ground, bleeding heavily from his arm, it was confirmed that I felt more of a parental affection for him than any other. I think that same instict that had woken me earlier must have taken over my conscious being, because what happened then is mostly a blur. I remember dropping to my knees and checking his wounded arm, but what came between that and the sink is a haze. I don't remember applying pressure to the deep cuts and I also can't recall sewing them up again. The next, more conscious moment I had endured, was when I bandage-wrapped the arm to keep the stitches from reopening and him bleeding all over the place again.

His eyes were glassy, but not the traumatized kind. More the kind that ninja commonly have when experiencing some kind of mental breakdown. It's a bit of a lapse between time-zones in which you relive memories from the past and combine them.

"What ever possessed you to do such a thing?" I asked.

He mustn't have heard me, because he didn't reply.

"I..."

Oh, nevermind.

"... I needed something... to keep my mind off of it."

"And you couldn't just bang your head against a wall?"

"That doesn't work."

It was kind of tragic; the way he sounded so serious.

"Then you could've called me. I would've been able to get you to think of something else."

"It's not just thinking, though. It's a feeling of desperate desire. Of a longing so powerful you have no control over it. You don't understand. If someone told me to kill everyone in Konoha in order to achieve the greatest high ever, I would."

"Now you're tripping." I rewarded myself for the joke mentally, but he didn't seem too pleased with it.

"I told you; you wouldn't understand."

I sighed. "I'm lucky I don't, then. I don't want to start doing that crap."

"You mean, you've never even smoked a joint before?"

"What, does that make me un-cool now? Am I not good enough to be your sensei anymore because I've never smoked a joint? You know how whacked up in the head it makes you; what good would it do for me on missions?"

"It only lasts for an hour or two. And that's only if it's a very good one. Besides, you can have one in the morning and be fine by the time you go on your mission."

"I'd rather wake up late."

He looked away. "You're different from me. That's why."

"I've been through enough to deserve a break, Naruto. It's not because the village-"

But he cut me off with a snarl. "It's not about that!"

I folded a knot into the ends of the bandaging tape and crossed my arms, giving him a contemplative look. "Then what is it about?"

"The reason why I'm awake more often than I'm asleep is because the Kyuubi would take over if I weren't."

That did make sense.

"And what's the use in staying awake in a world you despise? I'd rather be a happy fool, than a sad genius."

And those words held a certain merit to them, too.

"So as I said before, you wouldn't understand."

"I can understand where you're coming from, Naruto," I replied, "I just don't think it's a wise decision of yours. Which is why we're working on it now, aren't we?"

"You make it sound like you're an academy teacher and I'm just some lame student who can't do his timestables yet."

I chuckled. "I figure it's about the same."

He was silent, though. It made me see the broken soul inside his fragile body. For some reason, in the past, I've always underestimated him. Probably because he smiled all the time and acted like nothing in life was to be taken seriously. But that was just his wall of defence. That was how he kept himself protected from the outside world. It made sense. Though it was sad and stupid, considering fate doesn't just forget about you because it pities you.

You know, I thought, you're kind of like a stray cat. Wild and proud. But I can see the wound inside your heart.*

It seemed like he knew what I was thinking, cos a moment later he was up and about, clearly searching for something.

When he finally found it, he walked back over to me and handed over his kunai pouch. I took it and eyed him suspiciously, although I sort of knew already where he was going with this.

"Can you keep that for me? And, no matter what... no matter what I say, please just... Don't give it back to me."

I nodded and said, "I can."

"Thanks."

-R-

That midday, after our eleventh game of Go Fish, we heard a loud bonking at the door and a familiar voice that followed. "Kakashi-sensei! Kakashi-sensei, I know you're in there! If you think it's fair that you give Naruto one-on-one training for DAYS on end, then fine, but at least give Sakura and I a mission or something while you're gone!"

Figures. I had a feeling he wouldn't be able to keep it in much longer. Obviously he thinks I should be giving HIM special training, and not Naruto. That didn't surprise me, though. A while back I probably would have been more concerned about Sasuke than Naruto.

It was weird to think that the Hokage actually assigned these kids to me, because they were both severe problem-children. Sakura had her own worries to think about, and the fact that she wouldn't open up to me because it's probably hard for a girl in a ninja's world, concerned me as well. I've been trying to build up a bit of a bond between the two of us, just to let her know that if she ever did have a problem, she could come find me. But it figures that she believes that if she did that, people would look down on her. After all, to be a female ninja, you need to be tougher than men. You need to be mentally and emotionally in-check, no matter how powerful you may be. You can be more muscular than a man, but still be looked down upon, simply because you're a girl and you "belong at home, taking care of the children". Or that other stereotype that states that only female ninja can be medical ninja. It's true that the larger population of medical ninja is female, but that's only because they weren't allowed to be anything else in the beginning. I'm sure that the Uchiha clan women have all been either simple citizens to breed babies, or medical ninja. If Sasuke's family were still alive, he would probably be forced to marry a woman who either healed people or gave birth to people, and that was all he would need her for. It didn't matter what his opinion would be on that fact. His father would probably kill him if he said that he wanted to be something besides a ninja and marry a girl who made the living.

The weird thing is that Sasuke still loved his family with all his heart. And the day they were all murdered by his own brother must have been the greatest emotional rupture in his life. I've never had a brother, so I wouldn't know what that feels like. But you could say that the village technically killed my father, the only family-member I had left, so in a way I understand that kind of loss.

It's just that the words I'd heard him snarl at Naruto once, during one of their numerous battles, made me so frustrated with the raven that I honestly didn't feel like making him into a proper ninja, anymore. Unfortunately, that wasn't up to me. Anyway, those dreadful words were, "How would you know? You've never had a family in the first place! How would you know what it feels like to lose them all?!"

At first sight, you'd probably say he's right. It's true that people who have never had a family, can't describe the pain people feel when they lose their family. But can Sasuke even begin to imagine the pain of just not knowing who your family is? I'd bet a pound for a penny that if someone walked up to Naruto and said, "I know who your family is. If you want to find out who they are and what your clan's name is, you have to risk their life. If they're already dead, they stay dead. But if they're alive, they die. Or, you can go on this way, without knowing who they are or if they're alive or not." he would choose to find out, even if it meant killing them all.

And I couldn't blame him.

I looked over at Naruto, who looked like an absolute troll; with bags under his eyes, a greenish pale skin, droopy blonde locks and a half-open mouth. He nodded, so I stood up and opened the door.

"Kakashi-sensei," Sasuke said.

"Sasuke."

He was silent for a few seconds, appearing humiliated for coming to seek out his sensei. It was something loads of other students did daily, but he must have felt embarrassed by my reaction. Any other sensei would've opened the door and welcomed them in or excused themselves for not seeing to it that they got a mission or a different sensei for a week. I, on the other hand, made him feel sorry for ever having shown up in the first place.

"What's up?" I asked.

"I... Sakura's constantly on my case. Isn't there any kind of mission we can do?"

"As a matter of fact, there is." I turned to look at the blonde again, who had retreated to his corner-chair, curled up into a ball with a blanket wrapped around himself. "You can get something homeopathic to help with sleep."

"Why, is the dobe having troubles with sleep?"

The way he said it made it sound like he looked down on Naruto for it.

"Somewhat."

"Oi, dobe! Can't you get your own medicine?"

Naruto, even in the fragile state he was in, couldn't contain himself and threw the blanket off of himself to drowsily make his way over to Sasuke. He grabbed the shocked raven by the collar of his shirt and growled, "I would if he let me," bitterly.

I sighed and pulled the blonde off of the raven. "Okay, okay, we get it. So, Sasuke, do you think you can do it?"

"I can, but what's in it for me?"

"Team-spirit?" I offered.

He scoffed, but smirked afterwards, and sighed. "Fine. Whatever. As long as you know I'm not doing it for you," he said, looking at Naruto.

"I wouldn't even dream of hoping."

"Keep that in mind," Sasuke snarled, before turning and leaving.

-R-

Sasuke returned with Sakura behind him, who was carrying a small bottle with green pills. "I made these myself," she said, smiling. "Well, with the help of shishou, but I did most of it." She seemed to be looking for praise, so I granted it.

"Good job, Sakura. Thanks."

She smiled tomboyishly, before batting her eyelashes and looking over at her precious Sasuke-kun, trying to impress him.

Sasuke didn't seem to notice. "So..." he started. "How's... how's the dobe?"

Was I hearing him correctly? He wanted to know about Naruto's welfare?

"He's inside. Asleep."

"Already? But it's noon," Sakura said, worried. She passed by me and headed over to the blonde, sleeping on the couch. She placed a gentle hand on his forehead, noted that he didn't have a fever, and pulled the blanket up a little anyway. "He's so pale.." she said softly, making sure not to wake him up.

I didn't feel the need to reply.

"What's that?" Sasuke asked, nudging his head toward the bloody cloth in the sink.

"You know Naruto," I replied.

"Yeah, clumsy fool," Sakura said, smiling endearingly at the boy with the bags under his eyes.

"Ngh..."

The two Genin turned to look at Naruto, but I hardly even heard it anymore when Naruto moaned or gasped. I was used to him and his nightmares by now, but his teammates apparently weren't.

"Don't.." he choked out. "I... tchg! Aghck! Please!"

"It's alright," I said, walking over to the blonde. "You've just gotta' wake him." I gingerly placed a hand on the boy's shoulder and muttered, "Naruto. Naruto, you're having a nightmare. Wake up."

The jinchuuriki opened blood-shot eyes and took deep, hurried breaths, still frightened. He looked around the room, sensing the presence of his teammates. For a moment, his eyes spread open wide, coming to the conclusion that his teammates had found out about his nightmare-issues.

"Wh-what're you guys doing here?"

I sat down on the couch beside him, putting a hand on his shivering back to make it stop. Not because I cared, just because it was obvious he was already embarrassed enough and I didn't want him to be even more discomposed. No, I mean, I didn't want him to embarrass me. Cos, I'm his sensei and all that, you know.

"To get you the medicine, remember? Tch, dobe."

"Don't call me a dobe, ass!"

"How 'bout being a little more thankful that I actually did something for a loser like you instead of making more of an idiot out of yourself?"

Naruto looked like he was about to burst, but without me having to hold him back by the collar of his sweater, he calmed down again and tried his best to control his shaking ligaments. "Thanks," he muttered to the blanket resting on his knees.

"Come again?" Sasuke squawked, so surprised that he hadn't responded to the bait he'd laid out for him.

"I said 'thanks', eyesore."

"EYESORE?! Who do you think you're talking to, Uzumaki?! In case you haven't noticed, I'm ten times more powerful than you! If you don't watch your words I'll crush you like the puny insect you are!"

"Stop whining and hand me the pills."

Sakura seemed torn between following Sasuke's lead or handing her teammate the green antidote to whatever was withholding him from calming down, but realised that stalling wasn't helping, either, and simply did what she thought was best.

"Both of you stop fighting right now, and I'll give Naruto the pills and we'll get out of here, okay, Sasuke-kun?"

Naruto and Sasuke both nodded their consent and Sakura walked over to where Naruto was reclining on the couch, handing him the tub of pills.

Sasuke snorted and said, "Let's go," in such a nasty way that it seemed like he couldn't stand the mere breath Naruto was exuding, while turning around and yanking open the door. Sakura followed, but before Sasuke shut the door behind them, he said, "Next time, you can solve your childish issues by yourself, yeah, baby?" without even turning to look at his teammate.

I could tell the blonde was getting riled up simply by the way his earlobes turned bright red and the vein in his neck started to show itself more pronouncedly, but the jinchuuriki simply snorted and popped the lid on the tub before taking one dry.

"Childish issues..." he grumbled under his breath, "he walks around with the intention of killing his own brother and he calls my issues childish..."

"Now, now. You don't even know the whole story behind his life."

"Trust me, I don't want to know. It's going to turn out to be one of those pathetic stories that cry for attention because the main character is just too cute and too bloody fucking innocent and hasn't done anything wrong and didn't deserve to be treated that way and bla bla bla."

"Sounds like a good description of your own life."

"Sounds like someone should shove their foot up your ass."

"Sheesh, calm your shit - I'm only making an observation."

"You're making things difficult, that's what you're doing."

"Things are already difficult. I'm only trying to help you work them out."

"I told you I can work them out on my own."

"I wonder why you do that."

"Do what?" the blonde spat, "Work things out on my own? Because it-"

"No; why you seem to be resistant to kindness. I'm telling you I'm going to help you and you simply refuse to accept any form of sympathy. I'm only being solidary, here, Naruto. You're one of my teammates. As such I am compelled to help you with anything that might possibly be troubling you."

"Who says I can't accept help?! I'm accepting your help right now, aren't I? The only difference is that I know I can solve it on my own; that's why I don't need your fucking sympathy."

"Why must you always see human emotions as negative things?"

"Because they are!"

"Don't be purposely ignorant, Naruto."

"Piss off."

"So what would you call 'happiness', then?" I continued, blissfully capable of pushing aside Naruto's comment without any effort. "Is happiness not a human emotion?" I pressed.

"It's more than that; happiness can only be achieved once there is no sadness or anxiety or anger or any of those other, negative feelings. I'd rather cut myself off from all that than join in on the angst and let myself be overwhelmed with thoughts of attracting attention to myself just to fill the void of emptiness and loneliness that literally kills you inside. You have no idea what it's like when you get to the point where you would rather be emotionless and miss out on the good stuff just so that you don't have to feel the bad, so don't go lecturing me like you do."

I could do nothing but laugh about that statement. It was such sweetly sad irony that I had, in fact, been exactly like him in the past, and it had been his own bloody father who had helped me out of the ditch at that time. I remember cutting myself off from all human contact and devoting myself entirely to following the rules and regulations of our village. I remember reprimanding kind, boisterous, proud-but-gentle-inside Obito, whenever he shed a tear on the battlefield. I remember looking at Rin with disgust whenever she worried over us. I remember feeling sensei's hand on my head, a warm weight that always, always, without fail, managed to fill my chest with a hot, sweet ache, whenever I stoically removed my bloodied weapons from our nameless opponent's body. As though he were reminding me to feel something - asking me to be human again. He would never go as far as telling me; no, sensei was smarter than that. He knew that those who were able to be helped were those who wanted to be helped, and he waited patiently for me to accept him into my little circle of trustables (consisting of solely him and my dogs).

And I remember that night. I remember how Obito had taught me to care for my teammates in a way sensei had tried to teach me numerous times but had failed every time simply because it had taken Obito's dead body for the message to sink in. I remember waking up to his face - his calm features, blazing eyes, warm cheekbones - and having all the memories rushing back like a tidal wave. I remember feeling the urge to vomit, and how the nausea slowly receded as sensei's soft voice apologized for what happened and how he should have been there. I remember asking for Rin and following his pointing finger to where she stood out on a plain of grass, gazing up at the stars, as though searching for Obito's face. I remember the feeling of loneliness, and remembering the feeling of loneliness, and how it seemed as though all those years of inclosed, pent-up emotions weighed me down like a leaden weight. I remember tasting something bitter on my tongue and wondering if that was what guilt tasted like. But most of all, I remember sensei's eyes and how they pierced me with a look that said "Don't you ever let go of what he has given you" before they teared up and he flicked his gaze to the sky - not to act brave and will the tears away, but to show his student that he mourned for him and that he wished he knew how much he had wanted to see him grow. But it was me. I had slipped my arm into the wrong sleeve and had inadvertently killed him. The fault was mine. I had been named team-captain. I had been granted the title of jounin that same day. I had killed my teammate-turned-best-friend on the same day that I had gotten my promotion. And I had learned a valuable lesson.

"What're you laughing about?!" the blonde before me asked hotheadedly.

He was so unlike his father, it made me want to tell the boy all about him, if only to catch another glimpse of the man that had practically raised me. Just to whisper the words, 'I miss you' and be able to imagine that he could hear me.

"Nothing, nothing. It's just that I understand much more than you think I do."

"Oh yeah?" the blonde challenged, raising his brows speculatively.

"Yep."

"And you're asking me to believe you now?"

"I'm not asking you to do anything, Naruto."

"Then why are you here?! What are we doing?! Fuck!"

"Calm down," I reprimanded him gently, taking hold of one of his shoulders and pushing him down into a seat on the couch. "All I want to do is help you, Naruto. When will you finally figure that out?"

"Do you want to help me, or a member of your team? Do you want to help me for you or for me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you honestly think that I don't know what the village will think of you if you remove me from your team? I may be the Kyuubi's host, and I may be the most detested person in the village, but when they find out that I'm an addict and my own sensei didn't even know, while he's supposed to be a genius, it'll be you who loses face; not me."

"It insults me that you think I would worry over such a thing. Haven't you learned after all this time that what people think of me is the farthest thing from my mind? Seriously. I read porn in front of Lady Tsunade."

"Then you're trying to make yourself feel better."

In a way, I was. I felt horrible for not tending to sensei's son sooner. Back then, I'd thought that the fact that I was so close to the man that being near his son would hurt me too badly, was a good excuse to stay away. In truth, I should have been there when the village sweeped him aside like dust from forgotten corners.

"I'm trying to make you feel better. Would it bother you if I said that makes me feel better, too?"

"It would."

"Why?"

But Naruto wouldn't reply.

"Fucking damn it, Naruto! Talk to me!"

"I'm not answering any questions until you answer mine honestly!"

"I am being honest! Why is it so hard for you to accept that? I CAN care! YOU CAN CARE! What's keeping you from caring, Naruto?!"

The boy simply turned sideways and rubbed his hands up and down his arms, as if he were cold.

"Why must you always distance yourself from people? Why do you insist on solving things by yourself?"

"Isn't it fucking obvious?!" Naruto screamed, facing me again and glaring at me with those blazing blue eyes that were capable of rendering your body frozen whenever he was angry, and warming something unkown deep inside of you whenever he smiled.

"Isn't it clear by now that I can't TRUST anyone?! It doesn't matter how good your intentions are - people never do things simply to help someone else! Nobody cares, sensei!"

I couldn't believe him. I honestly just couldn't understand how the most selfless boy I had ever known, who devoted himself to helping the village that hurt him so badly and still does, was telling me that nobody cares about others.

"And what about you, then?" I challenged, but my voice was unusually meek. "What do you think being Hokage means?"

"Being the strongest person in the village. When that happens, nobody will bother me, anymore."

"Nobody will bother you? And what about your friends, Naruto?!"

"What friends, Kakashi-sensei? If you're suggesting that I've befriended those shits from rookie 9, then you're sorely mistaken. What have they ever done for me? I've fought for them, I've taken the brunt for them, I've even saved them multiple times. Sure, I got their recognition, but have they ever given me anything but a final mutual respect?"

"What do you want them to give you, Naruto?"

"Friendship! Care! An invitation to join them during their pratice, or to go grab a drink with them, or just a couple of words! Just 'I'm happy you're participating in this mission' or 'We really need you right now' would suffice!"

"So you like being needed."

"I like knowing that I'm necessary in someone's life. That they would miss me if I were to leave."

"And doesn't that incline that you still feel human emotions?" I was proud of myself; I'd tricked him into confessing something.

"It does."

Somehow, those words weren't as rewarding as I thought they would be.

"Which is why I should work on that."

"What?! Naruto, why would you need to work on that?"

"Because it's obvious that I'll never mean that much to them. I shouldn't get my hopes up. That's how people get hurt, Kakashi-sensei. You should know that."

"You know that's not true."

"Oh, isn't it? So, when a little kid covered in beer and spit is cowering in the corner of some dingy alleyway and is hoping and wishing and fucking praying that someone come and save him - not his parents that return from the grave, no, just someone, anyone, and when they still beat the fucking crap out of him, you're telling me it doesn't hurt?! Because it does! It does fucking hurt!"

His earlobes were glowing white, in contrast to the fiery red of the earshells, and his cheeks were flushing immensely, as well.

"This is different." I couldn't believe that the words I'd always detested when trying to make a point came out of my mouth, but I had no better argument than that and I was deadset on getting this boy to trust humanity, again. Why? Well, I wasn't going to run from the truth anymore - I cared about him. It was as simple as that. No guilt, no etiquette, no losing face. Just me and my heart that ached for this boy I apparently didn't know at all.

"Oh and how is it different, then?!"

Before his boiling blood made him explode, I sat down beside him and took him by the jaw, making him face me. When I was sure my eyes were level with his, I mustered up all of my conviction and said, "Because I'm here, now."

-R-

 **Finally the last chapter! thank you for everyone! I will make another story after this and I hope you guys like it! So, see you next time~**

 **Like always. Give me your last comments, criticisms or suggestions. I really appreciate it if you do that.**

 **Ja ne!**


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